Abyss of My Soul
by Bixata
Summary: Sequel to Climbing the Abyss.  Jack recovers from two years of being tortured to death and revived by the sarcophagus.  AU where he didn't escape from Ba'al's fortress in Abyss. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: This is the sequel to _Climbing the Abyss _completed 10-1-07, which you should read first. In the first part, Jack O'Neill didn't escape from Ba'al's fortress in the episode Abyss in Season 6. Two years later he escapes in time to download the Ancient knowledge into his brain in order to save Earth from Anubis (Season 7, The Lost City). After two years of being tortured to death he battles with himself to choose life over death.

_Abyss of My Soul_ covers his recovery with the help of his team, and his struggle to lead a normal life when he still craves the comfort of death.

Not a Jack/Sam ship, but very much a friendship piece, for the original SG-1.

Warning: Rated T for torture, language.

Abyss: 1. a deep, immeasurable space, gulf, or cavity; vast chasm. 2. anything profound, unfathomable, or infinite. 3. (in ancient cosmology) a. the primal chaos before Creation b. the infernal regions; hell. _Webster's dictionary_

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Chapter 1

His blood pounded through his veins in an internal rage that threatened to unleash a fury which no one could tame. His anger rose like bile in his throat and he pounded his fist into the concrete walls, kicking and screaming and cursing to heaven and hell.

His knuckles cracked and bled, his skin ripped off by the ferocity of his attack on the wall, his considerably frail bones threatening to snap at the onslaught. He needed the pain. He craved it. It was the only way to feel alive and locked here in the dark depths of the mountain he needed to feel alive. Because if this was death's abode it was in sore need of a decorator.

He was trapped, a prisoner of his mind and body and of his superiors a couple thousand miles away living the life on the surface of the planet that he had saved from a fleet of goa'uld mother ships led by the personification of evil itself, Anubis. And how did they repay him? By sticking him in the bowels of the most top secret, most boringly bland and most underground frontline defense base on Earth.

He had traded one prison for another, and he was pissed as Hell about it.

When he agreed to give life another chance this was most certainly not what he meant. Psych evaluations, debriefings, torture sessions with the Napoleonic power monger and her needles, and the, for lack of a better term, interrogations. He was kept isolated from the base to keep well-wishers at bay and give him privacy as he dealt with the aftermath of an experience that no being was ever meant to endure.

He had only seen his team for a couple hours each day, always in the morning when he was awakened from his chemically induced sedations which helped to ward off the nightmares and give his body the rest it required for its recovery, and then at night to help ease his mind into these unnatural sleeps.

They kept him in the infirmary the first few nights, and it helped that Carter was in the bed next to him, under observation due to her brief capture and mental torture at the hands of the human form replicator, Fifth. She didn't tell him about it and he didn't ask, knowing that he would never reciprocate the gesture. She couldn't hold a candle to what he was going through, but he still briefly felt sympathy for her, and wanted to help her.

He remembered how he had felt aboard Thor's ship, the _Daniel Jackson_, when he had been told that Carter had been taken by the replicators and their ship had been destroyed. He had literally shut down, blocking out the rest of the world and regretting that he had ever chosen to live in this universe of pain and suffering again. He went through the motions, taking great pleasure in destroying as many of the mechanical bugs as he could with a maniacal laugh and an empty heart.

His heart truly began to beat again when Thor informed them he was picking up a fourth life sign that could be her, and when he held her in his arms he nearly cried with relief that he hadn't come back just to see her die. He couldn't have lived through that.

But now she was safe in the SGC and he was going through the first stages of his physical rehabilitation as well as his psychological analyses. Most of his sessions with the shrink ended short with him getting out of the chair to sit on the floor with his back to the wall, hugging his knees to his chest and blocking out his existence.

His physical recovery was progressing slowly but as expected, still relying on the nutritional supplements of an IV and only managing a few bites of softer foods a day to readjust his stomach to solid foods. Two years of nothing but the sarcophagus to curb his hunger had wreaked havoc on his body systems and he had trouble keeping down almost anything but water.

He had spent nearly two months frozen in his biostasis chamber in Antarctica after he thwarted the attack on Earth before Thor was able to remove the knowledge of the Ancients and restore his physical health. He had used the knowledge and the ships computers to design a weapon capable of destroying the replicators, and had saved the Asgard homeworld of Orilla and turned the tide of their war against the bugs.

Not bad for a soulless, suicidal, depressed and slightly insane human.

So why the Hell was he stuck underground in a military facility, buried deep within the bowels of a mountain, imprisoned for his own good by his own people? He needed to be outside, to smell the fresh air and know that he was free, to know that he had some control over his life. He was trapped in the abyss, the vast chasm of his memories, with no release to move forward with his life. He was thrown into the pit once again with nothing to do but survive. He needed to be revived, and he couldn't do that here.

Thus the bleeding knuckles.

As he soundly thrashed the wall someone came in and grabbed him from behind, holding him gently but restraining his arms and he fell, exhausted and spent, lowered to the ground by gentle hands. He found himself on the floor, leaning back against a warm chest, arms holding him and rocking him soothingly.

He needed this. It had been so long, longer even than his imprisonment with Ba'al. Nobody had held him like this since Sara when he returned from Iraq, he was always the one doing the holding but nobody would ever do this for Jack O'Neill. Until now.

He turned his face into Daniel's chest, feeling the man's heart beat against his ear, focusing on the muffled thump and pacing his own to match it. Daniel's voice in his ear was like the ripple of the pond by his cabin in Minnesota, the wind blowing across his face on a warm evening, calm and soothing. His anger dissipated with his friend's comforting words and touch, and soon the trembling in his limbs ceased.

"I need to get out of here, Daniel." His voice cracked with barely restrained emotion.

Daniel's hand came up to push the hair back from his forehead. "I know."

And he did. Daniel understood what Jack needed, he understood that Jack hated being cooped up indoors, that he loved the outside world, the freeness and spirit of nature.

"Help me?"

He felt Daniel's head move up and down, then a whispered, "I'll get you out of here."

Jack knew it wouldn't be an authorized expedition.

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They broke out that night, sneaking through the hallways and climbing up through the emergency ventilation shafts. Daniel could get in serious trouble for this, but if it helped Jack he didn't really care.

By the time they got to the surface Jack was breathing heavily, his arms cramped from the long climb, but as he lifted the hatch and crawled out for his first breath of real, Earth air he smiled wide. As soon as his feet hit touched the ground he sprawled out on his back, his arms out to the side, and grinned up at the night sky, the stars smiling back at him.

"Thank you, Daniel." He said, and rolled onto his side, tugging at the soft grass beneath him. He started laughing uncontrollably, shouting gleefully up at the stars.

Daniel was glad to see his friend so happy but he began to fear this may have been a bad idea to come up here alone. If Jack didn't want to go back Daniel wouldn't have much of a chance of forcing him, but he knew he couldn't let Sam risk her career for this, and he needed Teal'c to provide a distraction. The large, imposing jaffa was currently camped outside Jack's room, preventing anyone from entering.

Daniel sat down beside his friend, hugging his knees loosely. "You feeling okay, Jack?"

"Excellent, Danny. For the first time since we got Carter back, I feel great."

"Good. I wish we didn't have to sneak you out of there. I understand where they're coming from, but it's damn foolish to keep you locked up down there. Good thing I'm here for you, huh?"

Jack's chuckle was more controlled as he calmed down. "Yeah. I'm glad you're back. I was really worried about you. When you didn't come back I thought something bad had happened."

"We were worried about you, too." He laid himself out on the ground at Jack's side. "Nice night."

"I almost forgot what the sky looked like. The stars. I could remember them but…" He rolled onto his side facing Daniel, unable to finish his thought. He reached his hand out to grab Daniel's arm, reassuring himself that his friend was really there.

Daniel swallowed back his emotion at the simple gesture. "I'm here, Jack. And we have the stars. I'll break you out of here every night if I have to so you can be reminded what they look like. I won't let them hold you prisoner anymore."

Jack squeezed his arm gratefully in acknowledgement. "How about smuggling me a beer every once in a while?"

Daniel couldn't help but laugh at the feigned innocence of the request. "Not a chance, my friend. Janet's got some kind of alcohol radar, she'd shove a needle so far in my ass it'd come out my front."

Jack raised his eyebrows in amusement. "When did you become so sarcastic and irreverent?"

"Someone had to make up for the loss of your sense of humor. I guess I just missed you so much I felt I had to become you. Sad, huh?"

"No. I'm flattered. At least one of us can still be me."

"Jack."

"It's okay, Daniel. You don't have to sugarcoat it. I know I'm not fine, I know I've got issues from which I may never recover, but I'm doing the best I can, and you guys are helping. Don't coddle me. Just…Be Daniel."

"Okay, Jack. I can do that. You want to know who won the Stanley Cup?"

Jack grinned, propping himself up on his elbow, his head in his hand. "Later. I'm dying to know what Homer's been up to."

"The show was cancelled, I'm sorry, Jack."

Jack's jaw dropped and he looked absolutely horrified. "What?!"

Daniel grinned. "Just kidding. You know I couldn't let that one go."

Within seconds he was in a mock chokehold, Jack's arms pretending to strangle him as he shook him senseless. "Why you little…I ought to kick your butt, pulling that trick on me."

Daniel was relieved that Jack had received his humor so well. He had been slightly afraid that Jack may go all the way and actually hurt him if he lost his mind, but he seemed to be doing okay. He gently pulled away from Jack and they rolled apart, both gazing up at the stars. "Actually, I've got a present for you. They may let me bring it in for you if you promise to behave."

"A present? For me? What is it?"

"Since I came back…I've sort of been taping The Simpsons for you. I have most of the episodes you missed. Janet thought I was holding on to false hopes but…It helped me to think that you may come back some day. I'm glad you're back, Jack. I've really missed you."

Jack's hand was back on his arm, though he was still studying the sky. "Thank you, Daniel. Thanks for believing in me. A lot of folks wouldn't have bothered for someone like me."

"Don't be so modest. Everybody here loves you, thing's haven't been the same without you. Even Hammond's been different."

"Still. I want you to know…I've never had a friend like you. Our friendship has meant a lot to me and…I just want you to know it. I never said it before."

"You didn't have to. We've always had an understanding, since the beginning. That's what friends do. We make it so the words don't matter."

"Strange to hear, coming from a linguist. Words don't matter. Dang clichés."

"'Actions speak louder than words?'"

"'Never look a gift horse in the mouth.' I guess I always kind of took you for granted. Didn't realize how much I needed you until you were gone."

"I'm glad you're comfortable telling me this, Jack."

"I've been telling you for months. Everyday."

Daniel nodded in understanding but remained quiet. After a few minutes of silence he realized that Jack was shivering. "Cold?"

"Yeah."

"I'll bring blankets next time." He shifted closer to share his body heat, lifting his arm and letting Jack curl up against his side to use his shoulder as a pillow.

Jack had always been tactile, the one to give comfort in the form of a hug or a slap on the back. Daniel had always accepted it without question. Jack's hands had always been busy, messing with artifacts, juggling, tapping his pen. To some extent, his knowledge was limited to what was real and tactile, he only understood what he could touch and explore with his senses. His reassuring pats and comforting hugs were just an extension of that.

That, and in his heart he was a father. Jack had spent years loving his son, providing comfort and safety to the young boy in any way he could. When Charlie had died, the part of Jack that was a father extended its protective nature to his teammates, and Daniel, Sam and Teal'c became the recipients of the his protectiveness. And that included what to him was essential: the hug.

Jack was always the initiator. Nobody went up to Jack O'Neill and gave him a hug, not if they wanted to live with all limbs intact. He put on such a good front to the world that nobody would know just how deeply he was hurting, and that the hugs and back slaps he handed out were as much for him as they were for the recipient.

But now Jack didn't have the strength to put up a front. He couldn't hide his vulnerability, even though Daniel could see he was struggling to do just that. He needed the comfort and reassurance of Daniel's presence, to know that his friend was really there, and the only way he could believe it was through touch. His eyes had played tricks on him, he could hear voices that weren't there, but his touch didn't lie.

Daniel stroked his back reassuringly as Jack's hand wrapped around his waist in what could be mistaken as an intimate gesture but was just his way of holding on to make sure Daniel couldn't leave him. He could sense Jack's shoulders trembling, possibly from the cold but he doubted it.

"Try to get some sleep, Jack. We'll go back when you're ready."

Jack's head nodded against his chest and for several minutes there was nothing but the wind and insects to break the silence. Then in a small voice, "Daniel?"

"Jack?"

"Did I really lose my soul?"

_Oh God, Jack. _Tears sprang to his eyes for his friend, so lost and vulnerable, shattered by the evil in the Universe. He couldn't find the words to console his friend, he couldn't find the words to console himself. His best friend in the Universe, and he didn't know how to help him. "You gave your soul to SG-1, Jack. We've kept it safe for you."

There was nothing else to say.

To be continued...

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Author's note: I got this out sooner than I expected. Next posting may be a few days since I'm busy with classes but I wanted to get this out as soon as possible.

Please review and make my day. Suggestions?

Bixata


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It was Jack's third night of freedom before they were discovered. He and Daniel were reclined between two blankets, watching the stars roll across the sky. It didn't take long for Jack to drift to sleep, the first time he had done so without the assistance of Janet's sedatives. Daniel smiled, shifting slightly to pull the blanket up to Jack's chin, when he heard a twig snap nearby.

His body tensed, ready for action, and his slight movement transferred to Jack who slowly opened his eyes with a haunted expression, as though he knew someone was coming to hurt him and he was resigned to that fate.

Daniel didn't have time to warn him before two shadowed forms appeared and a flashlight beamed into his face, moments before he heard the tell-tale sounds of weapons at the ready.

"Identify yourselves." Someone ordered, moving closer to the blanketed forms, probably expecting two horny teenagers.

"Dr. Daniel Jackson. Don't shoot." He ordered, but before he could continue he felt movement behind him and suddenly Jack shoved him down against the ground and launched himself at the two guards who had been performing a perimeter sweep. "Jack, stop!" he shouted but the men had already brought their weapons up and directed them straight at Jack's chest. "Don't shoot! Don't shoot!"

Jack stopped himself just inches from the two men, stepping forward until his chest pressed against the barrel of one of their weapons, taunting him.

"Jack, don't do this."

But Jack's anger and frustration got the best of him and he glared at the two men, rage pounding through his veins and all he could think was that he would like to be the one inflicting the damage this time, instead of receiving it. It was his turn, and he was in the position to do it.

Both guards suddenly recognized that this was Colonel O'Neill. After the defeat of Anubis all the base personnel were apprised of the Colonel's return and given the basics of his condition, but not many had actually seen him to verify the rumors. Actually being face to face with this man, the former leader of SG-1, the legendary Jack O'Neill, was a bit of a shock, but even more shocking was the glint in his eye, the unmasked hatred and open wrath.

Three fries short of a happy meal.

They couldn't hurt him. They couldn't even threaten him. Without even thinking about the consequences they both lowered their weapons.

Shock and confusion was evident in O'Neill's face, before he reached out and gently pressed his hand against the chest of one of the men, who stood still and firm. O'Neill pushed at him again, stepping into his personal space, but still the man offered no resistance. "Colonel. We're glad to have you back with us." He said softly.

"Jack." Daniel spoke soothingly as he walked up to Jack's side, grabbing his arm gently and tugging him away from the men. "You back with us, now?"

Jack jerked his arm away from Daniel and turned abruptly, walking towards the tree line and the cover of darkness.

"Jack. Stop."

Instead, Jack broke out into a run, dashing towards the trees and disappearing into the cloak of shadows.

The three men chased after him, hoping to calm him before he hurt himself. Daniel didn't have to order them not to cause any bodily harm to their target.

Jack O'Neill was trained in special ops. He knew how to disappear, and with nothing but the pale moonlight and a couple flashlights, Daniel didn't expect he'd be able find his friend unless he wanted to be found. Jack was still weak from his malnourished condition but considering what he had done to escape from Ba'al's fortress he could still move far and fast if he felt the need. Daniel just hoped Jack was willing to turn himself in. He just had to come back to his senses.

He shouted out Jack's name, calling him back, trying to coax him into returning to the SGC, reminding him that they weren't there to hurt him, that they were friends and he wanted to help him. Just as the two guards were about to call in reinforcements they heard a strangled, "Daniel?"

Daniel followed the voice. "Jack? Where are you?"

"I can't make it go away. I don't want to feel like this."

Daniel moved towards a fallen tree and realized that Jack was curled up behind it, protecting his ribs as though he expected to be kicked. "I know you don't, Jack." He wasn't sure what Jack was feeling, but he had a pretty good idea. Hate. Anger. Fear and pain. He felt it all.

"How do I make it stop?" Jack was pleading now, begging for help, for guidance.

He knelt down beside his friend, placing a hand on Jack's shoulder before pulling him into a hug, rocking him gently. "One day at a time, Jack. I've got your back."

"You've got my six?" Jack asked, with a touch of humor that worked its way to Daniel's heart.

"Military lingo never was my thing. The one language you've got over me."

"I had to be good for something."

"You're good for a lot of things, Jack. You've done a lot of good."

"Hmm. Can we still come up here at night? Can you still break me out of there?"

Daniel turned to glance at the two guards who shook their heads slightly, looking ashamed. They had already had to report the incident when they began their chase after Jack. They'd been ordered by Weir to return Colonel O'Neill and Doctor Jackson to the SGC, immediately.

"I'll try, Jack. Somehow I'll get you out."

"I was asleep."

"Yes, you were."

"It felt good to sleep. I want to sleep, Danny. I want to sleep and never wake up."

"No you don't, Jack. You want to live."

"Not underground, imprisoned. I can't do it anymore. It's too far, it's too deep. Don't take me back there."

"Jack, I have to. I'll get you out as soon as I can, we'll stay on the surface somewhere comfortable. Maybe they'll let me take you to my place, we'll have Teal'c and Sam over, just the four of us."

"Anything. I want out."

"I know you do. It may be a few days but I promise we'll get you out of there. The SGC is still out of commission for another month so I don't have anywhere else to be or anything to do. And Teal'c has been moaning about not having anyone to watch the games with. And Sam, well you know how she is, we've got to do something to get her out of her lab."

"You've been taking care of her?"

"We all took care of each other. We knew you'd want us to, Jack. Otherwise, I doubt any of us would have lasted the year."

"I was worried. He kept telling me stories about you guys. About your deaths. Rumors he'd heard. I tried not to believe him but sometimes…sometimes I let it get to me."

"He was just trying to hurt you, Jack. We were okay. And we're all here now. That's what's important."

"Daniel?"

"What?"

"My leg is falling asleep."

Daniel laughed and moved away, releasing Jack and helping him to his feet, letting him kick his leg around to restore blood flow. "You're a real piece of work, you know that, right? Trying to have a serious conversation and what do you do?" He shook his head in amusement.

"You know how I love sharing stuff." Jack joked, glancing at the two guards. He nodded at them briefly, acknowledging their efforts to help him. "Janet's going to make my butt a pincushion isn't she? Little porcupine." He moaned piteously.

"Probably. We don't want to keep her waiting."

Jack stared down at the ground as they walked, not really watching where he was going and implicitly trusting Daniel to get him where he needed to be. As they approached the front gate of the Cheyenne Mountain complex he finally looked up and tensed, his steps faltering as he peered through the chain link fence. He remembered the metal web Ba'al had held him against with his artificial gravity technology the first few months of his captivity. Eventually his captor became annoyed with the great distance between him and his victim, and moved on to more conventional means of inflicting pain. Stab and twist.

"No," he whispered, stopping and taking a step backwards, right into the chest of one of the SFs. He sprang away at the touch, dropping to his side and curling up, covering his face with one arm. "Stop it! I don't know anything."

"Jack! Stop, nobody's going to hurt you. Come back, you're safe here, remember, you made it back to Earth." Daniel reached out to try to touch Jack's arm but in a flash Jack had him in a chokehold, holding him between himself and the two SFs, and cutting off the supply of oxygen to Daniel's lungs.

"Get away. Move back or I'll kill him."

Daniel struggled for air, knowing that if he died Jack would never forgive himself and would never recover. He couldn't let that happen to his friend. Using the training that Jack and Teal'c had taught him years ago he safely twisted out of Jack's weaker grasp, hearing the sickening pop of Jack's shoulder dislocating before he crashed to the ground, Daniel straddling his chest to pin him to the ground.

"Get a medic," he shouted at the SFs, hating that he had hurt Jack. "Jack? You okay?"

Jack was non-responsive, his eyes wide and glazed, seemingly lifeless, and if it weren't for the subtle raising in Jack's chest indicating that he was still breathing, Daniel wouldn't have believed there was still life there.

He knew the look. He had seen it before, the first time they met.

When Charlie died and Jack had lost a piece of his soul.

"Oh God, Jack. I didn't mean to hurt you. You can still trust me, I couldn't let you hurt me, I know you couldn't have lived with that. I did it for you. You're going to be okay. Janet will take care of you. Come back, Jack. Come on."

After a moment Jack's eyes seemed to focus again, and he looked straight into Daniel's concerned face. "Thank you." He said quietly.

"For what, Jack?"

"For the pain."

Daniel's eyes widened in horror. "No Jack. Not the pain. You don't need the pain to live."

"I need the pain. I'm alive with the pain."

"No. You're alive because…because you're you. Because you have a soul."

"No. The pain keeps me alive. I need the pain."

"You don't. You need comfort and warmth and love. You don't need the pain. Feel my hand, my touch, doesn't that tell you you're alive?" He held one hand over Jack's heart, the other supporting the back of his head.

Jack closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "It hurts, Daniel. Everything hurts."

"Focus on my hand, Jack. Concentrate on my hand. It's warm, right? Comforting? Don't get caught up in the past, just think about what you have now. You have me and SG-1, and we'll never let anything happen to you again. Do you trust me?"

"I was going to kill you."

"I would never have let you do that. I stopped you, didn't I? You're safe with us, Jack. We can save you from yourself."

"Save me." He repeated.

"That's right. You just have to hang in there for us. You have to fight for us. I know you can do it. Just hang in there. It'll get better."

"When?"

Daniel sighed heavily, wishing he knew the right words to say. "When you're ready to let go."

"Let go of what?"

"Whatever darkness is plaguing your soul."

TBC

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Thanks for the reviews and feedback.


	3. Chapter 3

_Italics_ are for flashback scenes with Ba'al speaking, triggered by what Daniel and Janet are saying. Each flashback is isolated from the others, but the conversation between Daniel and Janet is continuous. I hope it's not too confusing.

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Chapter 3 

"Colonel, I'm going to give you something before I try to put your shoulder back in place. It should numb the pain."

_It neutralizes the acid, numbs the pain._

"Hang in there, sir. This will only take a second."

_I can keep you here forever, Tok'ra. Your suffering will never end. We can live for an eternity with the healing powers of the sarcophagus. You can die for an eternity. _

"Tell me if the pain is too much, sir."

_Tell me about your Alpha Site, Tau'ri. Tell me where the Tok'ra hide in shame._

"Are you still with us, Colonel?"

_The sarcophagus has affected your weak mind, human. Perhaps you will not last as long as I had hoped._

"Daniel, what happened?"

_What is your wish, my Lord Anubis? He is Colonel O'Neill of the Tau'ri, former host to Kanan of the Tok'ra. He has proven to be most resilient to our interrogation methods. It would be my pleasure to assist you. I find his mannerisms to be…amusing. I am sure with your technology we will find his breaking point. Your methods can be quite persuasive._

"Janet, we can't keep him down here. He's traded one prison for another. He didn't want to come back down here, he fought against it."

_It was unwise to attempt escape, Tau'ri. My new lotar is keen to express his loyalty. You will find his ways to be quite different from that of my previous slave. _

"Colonel, try to relax, it will hurt less."

_I have never experienced what it is like to be shot by one of your projectile weapons. I am told it is quite painful. I believe you call this one a P-90. It will fire many times. I would like to see what damage it can do. Relax, Colonel. I am sure death will come quickly with as many holes in your chest as I plan to inflict._

"There you go, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

_Do you find that the slow, mildly painful deaths are much worse than the quick agonizingly painful ones? I would like your subjective opinion on the matter so that I may improve my own techniques. _

"What were you guys doing on the surface, Daniel? You know you shouldn't be alone with him like that."

_You are alone, Tau'ri. Noone can help you. Your friend Daniel is not coming for you, no matter how much you beg for him. However, I believe I have someone with whom you may pass the time. He is small but by no means harmless. His teeth are quite impressive and his appetite is voracious. I shall enjoy hearing him make you scream._

"He was asleep, Janet. He actually fell asleep on his own, no nightmares. I was helping him move on, unlike some people around here who are more excited about monitoring and analyzing him because of what he's been through. He shouldn't be down here."

_You should never have come here, Tok'ra. I grow tired of your insolence. Once you tell me what I wish to know I will end this for you, and we will never look on one another again. Your defiance intrigues me but I have grown bored of your repetitive nature. We shall have to make a few adjustments so that I may observe you under different circumstances. Perhaps then you will entertain me again. _

"Daniel, his condition is unprecedented. He's still in need of vigorous medical attention. In my opinion he's already more active than I would like him to be but I understand he has emotional needs as well."

_Is it strange to be so immobile, Tau'ri? I imagine that my host feels a similar discomfort as yourself. To have no control over your own body, to be paralyzed. To lie there helpless. I have taken everything from you and I will continue to take until you give me what I want. Do not underestimate your own emotional needs. I will have you begging for my attention before the year is done. _

"Janet. He needs to know that he's free, that he has some control over what happens to him."

_You will find freedom only in death. And even that will not last long. I will give and take and you will have nothing. You will never escape from your God._

"I know, Daniel. I can see how much better he's been doing the last couple days, and I'm guessing it was because of whatever you were doing. I can try to get him transferred to the academy hospital and oversee his care there, but the President and Joint Chiefs didn't think it was worth the risk, not with the way he's been talking about how he was tortured to death. It's too great a security risk for them."

_Sometimes I wonder if you are worth the trouble it takes to revive your corpse, Tau'ri, and then you make such delectable noises that I find it impossible to part with you. You are too great a security risk to try to manipulate your mind as Anubis had hoped, but I believe given the proper incentive you would have made a glorious First Prime. It is a shame your world has made you weak. _

"If anyone overhears him they'll just think he's crazy and making things up. There are plenty of cover stories we could come up with, but the bottom line is what Jack needs. He's earned his freedom, he deserves the best we can give him and it shouldn't matter what the risks are. His health, physical and psychological, should be the most important thing. If he was dying of…lack of sunlight would you keep him locked up down here?"

_How long has it been, human? How long since you have seen the sun of your world? How many times have you awakened with the lights of the sarcophagus burning your eyelids? How many more times must I kill you before you give me your soul? _

"I'll talk to Dr. Weir. Matter of fact, I'll call General Hammond. I'm sure he can pull some strings on the Colonel's behalf. The man did save the world, he ought to at least get to live in it."

_Anubis will destroy your world, Tau'ri. He is planning his attack even now, his entire fleet will launch within the week. He knows the location of a repository of the knowledge of the Ancients, and with it he will be unstoppable. Your planet will succumb like all the others. There is nothing you can do. You are worthless to me now. _

"That shouldn't even be a factor here, and you know it. After what he's endured, what he's suffered, he should be getting everything he needs, whether he's a hero or not."

_You are nothing, human. Your people are nothing. Your kind is a plague in this galaxy. A plague Anubis intends to eradicate. Your people will suffer…and there is nothing you can do for them. _

"Go get Teal'c and Sam. I think we'll go have a talk with Dr. Weir."

TBC

* * *

Next chapter Jack arrives at the hospital and sees someone from his past. Not written yet, so you can tell me what you think. - Bixata 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Sara Johnston paced the waiting room of the hospital anxiously, waiting for news of her father's condition. She had rushed him in complaining of chest pains and she feared he was having a heart attack. Someone had come out earlier and informed her that it would be a while, and now she was out of her mind with worry and nothing to do.

She hated this place. This hospital was full of memories for her, unpleasant ones, and she couldn't bear to be here alone, with her father's fate still unknown. Leaving her phone number to be contacted as soon as they knew anything, she fled down the austere hallways, and burst out into the daylight, shading her eyes from the bright sun.

She sat on a bench and called her husband, letting him know what had happened and receiving his assurance that he would be there shortly, knowing that she would need him.

This was where her son had died. The beginning of the end, and the end of the old. Her life had ended right here, within these walls, and within the walls of her current home, the shot ringing out, a death knell. The house she could never leave because it held the good memories of a happy life with her son and first husband, a fulfilling and joyful existence with the two most important men in her life. But the hospital…the hospital held nothing but the pain of her son's departure, of his sweet innocence being torn from her and this world.

She wiped a hand across her face, not realizing that the tears that she had denied for the last seven years had returned with a vengeance.

That was why she was sure her eyes were playing tricks on her.

A black van had pulled up to the curb in front of her, which was odd because this wasn't an unloading zone and was on the side of the hospital, away from the major entrances and exits. She watched as a large, black man climbed out from the passenger seat and opened the side door, helping a short, red-haired woman out who turned back to assist someone else.

The man who emerged, his arm stabilized to his chest for what was probably a dislocated shoulder, was helped out of the van by both the petite woman and the larger man, and another set of hands from inside the van. She watched fascinated as they efficiently helped him out and steadied him on his feet. He was tall, she could tell, and he had a full head of silver hair, somehow looking distinguished rather than old.

Another, younger man stepped out of the van, followed closely by a tall blond woman and she began to wonder if this was some kind of clown car, for all the people that were coming out of it. But then the doors were slammed shut and the van pulled away as the small entourage guided the silver-haired man towards the door.

As they approached her she could tell that the man was severely underweight, almost to the point of emaciation. She couldn't imagine how anyone could get to that state of malnourishment in this town, especially with the way they were all hovering around him protectively.

Military, she recognized immediately, and assumed that whoever the poor man was he had probably been a soldier at one point in his life, fighting the war in that cursed country that had taken so much of her ex-husband's life.

And had probably taken his life in the end.

She had been informed two years ago that her ex-husband had been declared MIA, and had heard nothing since. She didn't know the circumstances and didn't expect that she would ever know, but she had grown used to the secrecy after so many years of marriage to a Special Ops officer. She didn't expect that to change now.

The man looked so much like him, though. Same height, same build if he put on a few dozen pounds, same walk, same…face?

As the group slowly walked closer to her he was walking with his head pointed up to the sky, letting the sun warm his face and she could see how pale he was. When he was almost directly in front of her, he turned his head slightly and met her gaze. For a moment her heart stopped as she studied his features, trying to distinguish if it was really him. But there was no recognition in his eyes as he turned away and focused on the doors ahead, just a haunted expression in his eyes as he listened half-heartedly to his companions. It was so familiar, she had seen it before.

Her eyes welled up again, realizing that she was looking for someone who no longer existed, someone she thought she had let go a long time ago. This was just too much for her take, she couldn't do this alone.

The man stopped so suddenly the blond woman walking just behind him brushed up against his back before she could stop herself. He stumbled forward a few steps but was quickly stabilized by several pairs of willing hands.

"Jack?" The younger man inquired and she felt her jaw drop as she watched the silvered head slowly turn around and once again meet her gaze.

Nobody moved for a long time, each working through their own issues as her own mind was too shocked to comprehend anything beyond the brown eyes locked on hers. Without knowing that she had even moved she found herself standing, her arms limp at her side in numb shock as he started pushing at the hands that were holding him, making his way back to her.

"Colonel, stop." The short woman ordered, and he did, dropping his hand back to his side. "Sir, we should get you inside."

The younger man was studying her now, looking between her and the man she couldn't look away from, and then suddenly his eyes widened in recognition and surprise. "Sara? Sara O'Neill?"

Without breaking the gaze she nodded her head, the tears now flowing freely down her face.

Again, everyone was too stunned to move.

"Oh God." The blond woman whispered. "Nobody contacted her."

"Jack?" She said hopefully, taking a small involuntary step forward.

He closed his eyes for several seconds and opened them again, as though he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Then with the same disbelief evident in his voice, he whispered hoarsely, "Sara?"

She took another step closer. "You're…you're…alive. Oh God, Jack. You're alive." She closed the rest of the distance as the others made room for her and she threw her arms around him, careful of the shoulder though she had no idea how she managed the restraint. "Jack. Where have you…What have you…I can't believe you're here."

His free hand came up to her face, pushing the hair behind her ear and pulling her back to get a good look at her face. "I thought I was seeing things. What are you doing here?"

She had almost forgotten. "Mike. I think he had a heart attack. I'm waiting for news, they said it would take awhile. What are you doing here?"

He shook his head, unable to answer, still staring into her eyes. "You look good." He commented casually, and his lips quirked up into a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes like it used to. "I hope Mike's okay."

"Me too." She pulled away from him slightly, letting her arms drop to her sides awkwardly. "You don't look so good." She said quietly.

He let out a deep chuckle, and this time there was the tiniest spark of warmth in his eyes. "Thanks."

"You know what I mean, Jack. Are you okay?"

He glanced at the people with him, who she now recognized as his teammates. "Nothing terminal." He reassured her, trying to act casual but she knew he was hiding the truth from her.

"I know you too well, Jack."

He nodded. "It's good to see you again." He changed the subject.

"You too. I'm really glad you're alive. Do you…Do you need anything?"

He shook his head, smiling a little. "Don't worry about me. You've got enough on your mind with Mike. Couldn't wait inside anymore?"

"No. Too many memories."

"Yeah. Can't be easy, waiting. How's Dennis?"

"He's good. He'll be here soon."

"Good. You shouldn't be alone."

"You're really okay?"

He nodded back at his friends. "Got my own family to help me. Might not be easy, but I'm going to let them in this time. I did learn a few things from you."

"Jack."

"Sara. You don't have to worry about me. You've got Mike and Dennis now." He pulled her into a one-armed hug, kissing the top of her head through her hair. "I am so glad you found happiness again. You deserve it more than anyone." He turned his head to look at the smaller woman. "Hey Doc, can you check on her father, see what's going on?"

"Of course, Colonel." She took off, speaking quietly to the blond woman before she left.

"Fraiser's the best, she'll take care of him." He assured her. He touched her face again. "I'm sorry I let them kill you."

She jerked back, alarmed. "What?"

"You always had a good soul, I couldn't let it go to waste. Mine died with Charlie but yours was always so pure."

The younger man laid a hand on Jack's arm, stepping in closer to his side. "Jack."

His eyes were still directed at hers, but they seemed to be looking at something far away, as though he couldn't see her at all. "Jack, you're scaring me." She said, because he was and she was too vulnerable at the moment to hide it.

"You think he's still with us?"

There was no pain in his voice as he asked it, just a simple curiosity, a little hope even.

"I think he lives with us." She replied honestly.

He nodded, and his eyes focused on hers again, and she thought she could see the trace of a smile there. "Good enough for me. You take care of yourself, Sara. I have to go now."

"Can I check in on you later?"

He hesitated, and she wondered why. They hadn't been together for over eight years, but they still loved each other. He was obviously in pain and could use a friend. But maybe the pain was in the memories.

"We'll keep in touch." He said finally, but it seemed forced. "Take care of Mike. He's going to need you."

He doesn't need me anymore, she thought to herself. We've both moved on, and it isn't my place to take of him. He's made new attachments, new friends to take on the responsibilities I once bore, and I'll just be in the way. But I've missed him. I'm glad he's okay. But Mike needs me.

"If you need me." She offered the open-ended invitation, knowing she could never turn away from him entirely, not after everything they'd been through together.

He hugged her again, his face against her neck, and as he pulled back he kissed her on the forehead. "I'll always love you, Sara." He said, then turned away from her and without looking back he let his friends guide him inside.

He didn't need her. But right now she almost wished he did.

* * *

He didn't break down until he sat on the bed in his private room. His friends had thought he was going to be okay, the way he had handled seeing his ex-wife, but now they knew that it was all an act for her benefit. They didn't know whether it was a good sign or not that he had been able to protect her like that, that he could hide his emotions from her so well, but the moment he was alone the walls came crashing down and he was thrown into the abyss of darkness. 

He was violent in his mourning. Shouting obscenities, cursing everyone who had every hurt him, cursing himself and his carelessness. A sedative was quickly administered while he was restrained by Teal'c, and he slurred out invectives in Arabic and Goa'uld, mixing the two languages as his body shut down.

The last thing he said before he plunged into oblivion was "Charlie."

TBC

* * *

Author's note: I don't really like to write about coincidences like this, but since it's based on episodic television I figured the coincidence of him running into Sara was believable. -Bixata


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Jack awoke to the sound of a soft, repetitive thumping, closely followed by a recognizable sigh of boredom.

"You going to sleep all day? I'm bored. Wake up." A child's voice. A young boy.

Charlie.

"Come on, Dad. Let's go fishing. You promised you'd take me this weekend. Mom said it was okay."

He remembered. It wasn't long after that disastrous mission where he lost his entire team, one way or the other. He hadn't seen what went down, but in the end Woods was dead by Burke's bullet, and he couldn't protect either one of them. He and Burke drifted apart no longer comfortable in the other's company.

He lost two important friendships that day, and it had taken him a while to work through it. Charlie was the one to help him. Five years old and wise to the ways of innocence, Charlie had brightened his days and scared off the darkness.

He had taken Sara and Charlie to the cabin in Minnesota and they fished.

He opened his eyes now to the smiling face of his five year-old son. "Hi Dad. You awake?"

"Nope," he replied by reflex.

The little boy grinned. "That's too bad. You can't have breakfast until you wake up. I made it myself."

"You did?" He propped himself up on the bed, accepting the vision of his son. He couldn't deal with the alternative right now.

"Yep. Froot Loops." He turned away and there was a crash and clatter as he jumped back, so close that Jack could reach out and touch him. "Oops." He turned back to Jack on the verge of tears. "I ruined it."

"It's okay, Charlie. It's the thought that counts. I'll take you fishing."

The smile returned. "Are we going to Minnesota?"

"Maybe." He slid his feet off the bed, absently pulling the IV out of his hand and letting its contents drip over the floor. He found his clothes and put them on, while Charlie cleaned up the mess he had made, singing a bright, cheerful song about fishing.

Once Jack was dressed he walked around the bed to where Charlie was kneeling on the floor. He reached down and his hand met a solid shoulder. "Come on, son. Let's go."

They walked out hand in hand, with Charlie still singing about the fishes.

* * *

"Janet, where's the Colonel?"

"What do you mean? He should be in his room."

"He's not there." Sam told her, an edge of panic in her voice.

"He hasn't been scheduled for any tests, and the sedative he was given should have kept him under for another two hours at least."

"Get security, lock this place down, and find the footage from the cameras in the hall, try to see how he got out of here. I'll go get Daniel and Teal'c, let me know as soon as you find anything."

"Sam."

"I know. We don't know anything. He could have been taken by someone like the Trust or he could have left on his own, and he may not even be in his right mind. So we can't jump to any conclusions. We need to know if he's left the grounds, or if he's still somewhere in the hospital."

Sam dashed off to the cafeteria where she knew Daniel and Teal'c were waiting, pulling out her phone and shouting out orders at the same time.

Upon seeing Sam's controlled worry, Daniel leapt from his chair and ran to her, followed closely by Teal'c. "Sam! Did something happen to Jack?"

"He's gone, Daniel. He's not in his room, and I checked the whole floor. We're getting security to look for him, but we don't know if he's still in the hospital."

"Could he have been abducted, Major Carter?" Teal'c asked.

"Janet says the sedatives shouldn't have worn off for another couple hours, but given all the stress his body's been under it's possible he could have overcome the effects on his own and walked out of here. He couldn't have been gone for more than half an hour. I think the two of you should start asking around if anybody has seen him. Start downstairs, at the exits, the desks. His clothes were missing, so he's probably wearing green BDUs, that should be hard to miss."

While Sam coordinated with security, Daniel and Teal'c began hassling the staff and patients near the exits without much success. It was nearly an hour later before Teal'c approached an elderly man in a wheel chair who looked like he was about to fall asleep.

"Excuse me." Teal'c made his presence known, and the man startled, sending his chair backwards a couple inches.

"What? What do you want?" The man asked, slightly panicked and confused.

"I am looking for a friend of mine. He has been missing for over an hour. Might you have seen him pass by in that time?"

"Maybe. What's he look like?"

"He is over six feet tall, his hair is silver and he was wearing green military fatigues."

The man's eyes narrowed thoughtfully. "Skinny fella? Looks like death warmed over?"

"He is of pale complexion and underweight at the moment, yes."

"Saw someone like that about an hour ago. Had his arm cradled to his chest and his other hand was kind of held out at an awkward angle to the side. You know, like he was holding hands with a little kid, but there was nobody there. He was talking to himself, too. Thought he might be with the psych ward."

"And you did not stop him?"

"Hey, man, it's not like I could have chased him down."

"Indeed. My apologies. Did you see in which direction he was headed?"

"Oh yeah, he went off to the left at the street. He said something about the fish biting, and it was a nice day for a walk. Thought he was talking to me at first, but he went right on by."

"Is that all?"

"Uh, yeah, that's all, I swear. Does that help?"

"Indeed. Thank you for your assistance."

"Yeah, okay. Hey, I hope you find him."

Teal'c informed Daniel Jackson and Major Carter of his discovery, and less than a minute later Daniel was at his side and they were jogging down the sidewalk in the direction indicated by the witness.

"If he thinks he's going to go fishing, he'd try to find water. There's a river about a mile from here on the edge of town, he may remember it's there." Daniel reasoned. "He doesn't have any money so he'd have to walk it, and given his condition we should be able to catch up with him."

"O'Neill has had a considerable head start. He would have reached the river by now."

"And if he stops to fish then he should still be there. And we're going to have to assume that he stayed on this road, that he's near the bridge. I've never seen anybody fishing near the bridge, but he may not notice."

"The witness claimed O'Neill was conversing with himself. He may not be in his right mind. If that is so, then he may be headed somewhere else entirely."

"What do you mean?"

"O'Neill was always fond of his cabin in Minnesota. That was his favorite place to fish."

"Minnesota? There's no way he could get to Minnesota, not without money, and certainly not in his condition. Some part of him would have to know that."

"Many of your citizens engage in hitch-hiking, do they not?"

"Yeah, but have you taken a look at Jack lately? One glance at him and even the least conscientious-minded person would drop him off at a hospital."

"Then how was he able to escape from the hospital nearly undetected?"

Daniel shook his head as he ran, conceding the point. "Let's just find him, okay?"

"That is my intention."

* * *

Jack and Charlie were standing underneath the bridge at the water's edge. "What do you think, Charlie? Nice day for a swim?"

"Yeah." Charlie agreed enthusiastically, tugging off his shirt and shoes. "Won't it scare the fishes away?"

"Ah. Which would you rather do, fish or swim?"

"Swim."

"That's what I thought. Go on in, kid, I'll keep an eye on you from here. Maybe you could try to catch the fish with your bare hands, that should be fun, eh?"

"Sweet. You aren't coming in with me?"

"Nah, I'd rather watch you make a fool of yourself. I mean, I'd rather watch you having fun. The old man might just slow you down."

"Okay. If you change your mind we can play a game together." Charlie slowly dipped his toes into the water and giggled. "It's chilly." He walked in further and started laughing. "It's cold, Dad. It's really cold."

"Then we won't stay too long. When we get home I'll make you a nice cup of hot chocolate, how's that sound?"

"Okay." Charlie walked in up to his knees and started splashing the water. "It's getting better, Dad. It's not so cold anymore."

"Just took a moment for your body to adjust. Go on, have fun now."

He sat down on the bank and watched his son splashing in the water, reaching beneath the surface and laughing as he attempted to catch the small fish darting around within the river.

But all that the two transients living under the bridge saw was a thin, old man talking to himself. Not entirely an unfamiliar sight to them, but his clothes did seem to be in pristine condition.

They approached him slowly, warily, and Jack turned to them, tensing as he prepared to defend his son from the unknown threat. "Hello," he greeted casually.

"Hey." One of the homeless men responded. "Never seen you around here. Who you talking to?"

Jack's eyes narrowed. "My son. Leave him alone."

"Hey, we're no threat to you. Just asking. You do realize there's nobody there, right?"

Jack looked out at his son who was oblivious to the presence of these two men. He turned back to the two men. "Can I help you with something?"

"Got any money?"

"No. If this is some kind of hold-up I suggest you try someone else. I'm an officer of the United States Air Force."

"No kidding? Serve in Iraq? Gulf War Syndrome? I was in Vietnam myself. Marines."

"It's really none of your business. I don't mean to be rude, but I'd rather you left me and my son alone."

"Hey, just making conversation. Here, we'll sit down over here, and we can just chat for a few minutes, okay? We're no threat to you, sir. I'm sure you can still kick our butts even in your condition."

"There's nothing wrong with my condition."

"Sure there isn't. So what's your son's name?"

Jack diverted his attention between the two men and his son. "Charlie."

"Charlie, huh? That's a nice name. What's yours?"

"Jack O'Neill."

"Jack O'Neill. I'm Kevin, this is Levy. So what's your rank? You look like someone important."

"Colonel."

"You're not much of a chatterbox, are you Colonel? That's okay, I'll make up for it. So how old is Charlie?"

"He's five." Jack replied with a proud smile. "Looks just like his mother."

"She must be a fine-looking woman. So what are you doing here in the Springs? You work at the military base up in the mountain?"

"I don't…" Jack looked confused, turned away from Charlie briefly to look around but immediately turned back. "Colorado Springs? Uh, yeah, I work at Cheyenne Mountain."

"I'll bet it's top secret, huh? Between you and me there's a lot of crazy stuff going on up there."

"It's classified."

"Yeah, I get it. All hush-hush. So what happened to you?"

"What do you mean? Nothing happened."

"Hey, I hate to point out the obvious but you're not in a good way at all. Haven't you been getting any food around here? If you need help finding the best places to get some grub we can help you out for a while. You know, until you get back on your feet. There's a shelter not far from here."

"What are you talking about? I don't need a shelter, I take good care of my kid. What are you implying?"

"Nothing. I swear. But maybe you ought to take a look in the mirror, Colonel. It isn't healthy to be this far gone out here. You should find a hospital or at least a shelter, they'll take good care of you, I promise."

Jack angrily stood up, walking closer to the water. "Charlie, come on, we're leaving. It was nice to meet you gentlemen." He held his hand out for his nine-year old son to take, not noticing the spontaneous change in age.

"Hey, Colonel, I know that whatever happened to you must be difficult to accept, but this isn't healthy. You need to feed yourself at least, and I'd hate to see you get hurt. Come with me, we'll help you out. I know a guy who can hook you up with the VA."

"There's nothing wrong with me. I'm an active member of the Air Force, they take good care of me. I don't know where you're getting these ideas."

"Colonel. There's noone there." He pointed at Charlie, who was putting his shoes back on. "Your son isn't here."

"Shut up. I don't know what game you're trying to pull."

"Colonel, please, you need help. I know you don't want to hear this, but aside from us, you're alone. Charlie isn't here."

"My son is right there."

"No, Colonel. He isn't. You don't want to go down this path, believe me. You'll only get yourself hurt. What happened to you, sir? Were you a prisoner of war? Were you injured?"

"Stop it." Jack whispered, crouching down next to Charlie, finally noticing that his five year old son had aged four years in the last couple minutes. "Charlie. What happened to you?"

The two men watched Jack reach out with a shaking hand, touching nothing but air yet seeming to be stroking something solid, the hair of a child perhaps.

"You're real. You're real, son, please tell me you're alive. Charlie. Tell me you're alive."

Charlie looked up at his father. "You killed me Dad. I'm not real."

Jack jerked back and fell to the ground, jarring his back shoulder but oblivious to the pain. "No! You're not dead."

"You didn't protect me, Dad. You let me pull the trigger."

"No, I didn't. You're safe, you're here. You're alive."

"I'm not alive, Dad. All the wishing in the world couldn't save me. You couldn't save me."

"Charlie." He didn't want to believe this. He knew it couldn't be the truth.

Before his eyes, the little boy became a young man, handsome and strong, about twenty years old, what he might have looked like if he hadn't died all those years ago. "It's okay, Dad. You can still save yourself. I want you to be okay, I want you to keep on living, because you keep me alive in your heart. Will you do that for me? Promise me you'll take care of yourself. Daniel and Carter and Teal'c, they can help you through this. You've always been so strong, you've always been my hero, and I love you. I love that you were my father, I couldn't have asked for a better one. You'll get through this. You just have to remember what's important."

"You're important. You were the only thing that was important."

"No, I wasn't. You're a Colonel in the Air Force. You saved the world, Dad. You saved the Asgard. That's who you are. You're the man who saved Earth. And I'm proud that you're my Dad. I want you to be him, again. You can be that man again. You're the bravest man I've ever known. You can face this and win."

"I don't think I can."

"You can, for me. So that I can be proud of you. Isn't that what you want? Don't you want to be the kind of man that I can be proud to call my father? You owe me this."

"I owe you so much more."

"Yes, you do. You owe me a life. So live it for me. Let me have a life through you."

"They took my life, Charlie. He took it, over and over. He took my soul, every time he killed me and brought me back. Every time that knife pierced my heart he cut a little bit of you out with it. I can't get that back."

"You don't need it. Don't you see? You're still a better man than he ever was. You're still a better man than most people in the galaxy, because you still fight for what's right. You saved the world, Dad, you had all that power and you still used it for good. You deserve to live. You deserve to be happy. And I love you with all my heart."

Jack's eyes sparkled with unshed tears as he reached out to touch the face of a son he never knew, a son who was never meant to be. Charlie's hand covered his own.

"Fight for me, Dad. You can win this. Never give up the fight."

With that, Charlie was gone and Jack's hand fell to the ground at his side. "Good-bye, Charlie." He whispered.

TBC

* * *

Author's note: The characters Woods and Burke are from the season 7 episode Evolution part 2. I thought that Charlie would play an important role in Jack's current recovery, and that Sara's presence would have initiated it, as well as Jack's return to the hospital where Charlie died.

Reviews are appreciated, so tell me what you think. I know some of you are feeling really sorry for Jack, but he is getting better, don't you think? I'm not saying he'll ever be rainbows and moonbeams, but you never know.

Bixata


	6. Chapter 6

Warning: language (nothing worse than in the series)

Chapter 6

The two homeless men, Kevin and Levy, glanced at each other worriedly as the man they had just met, Colonel Jack O'Neill, conversed passionately with a son that didn't exist.

Kevin turned to Levy and whispered softly, "I think his son is dead."

Levy nodded in agreement. "No wonder he's such a mess."

But then the Colonel was talking about being killed over and over again, having his heart pierced by a knife, and they inadvertently took a step back, startled by the revelation. Even though it had to be metaphorical it was still a graphic image that unsettled them.

"Tortured." Kevin surmised, having met several other victims through his connection with Veteran's Affairs, and years on the streets. "Probably a prisoner of war. He's practically starved to death."

"Dead son, torture, and his current physical condition, I'm amazed he's survived this long. I'd have jumped off the bridge first chance I got."

"Don't talk like that, Levis." Kevin whispered harshly. "The man's barely hanging on as it is. Damn. He's unconscious." Kevin lunged forward as the Colonel fell to the side on the stream bank.

Together, the two men helped lay the Colonel out on his back, cushioning his head with an old tattered sweatshirt.

"Levy, go get help."

"Nobody's going to listen to me. You know that. And if the cops see us dragging him around you know what they're going to assume."

"We have to do something. Let's get him up on the street. Someone will have to help. He's practically in uniform."

As they pulled him up by the arms Levy noticed how loose the shoulder joint felt and cursed, releasing it carefully. "I think his shoulder was dislocated recently. This isn't going to work carrying him like this." As he pulled his hand away the Colonel's sleeve slid up and he could see the scars which liberally marked his arms. He cursed again, pulling up the Colonel's shirt to expose his belly. "Kev, this is more than just torture."

They laid him back down and opened his jacket, pulling up the T-shirt to see the scars on his chest, and near his heart. Kevin let out some choice words that would have made Levy blush if he had been listening. He summed it up with "What the Hell?" and yanked the clothes back into place to hide the evidence of the wounds. "This man should not be on the streets. I'd like to get my hands on whoever did this to him. What's the world coming to if a guy like this can't get the proper health care for serving his country?"

"You don't think he's a traitor, do you?"

"Hell no! You think a man who'd suffered this much and betrayed his country would want to live? No, he's probably another hero that slipped through the cracks."

"Or he may have escaped on his own. Look, I think he had an IV here. Doesn't look like drug abuse. And given that he's about as malnourished as you can get and still be walking he's probably been on some kind of liquid diet at least. The hospital would never release him in this condition."

"He doesn't have a bracelet. You know, to show that he's a patient."

"He could have gotten rid of it."

"So maybe we just need to get him to the hospital then. It's just about a mile down the road, he could have walked it."

"We can't carry him for a mile. People will get suspicious."

"We can call 911."

Just as they made their decision to call the hospital two men appeared on the bridge, looking down at them. "Hey!"

Kevin and Levy looked up and backed away from the Colonel as the two men, both in the same outfit as the Colonel, practically flew over the edge and landed close to the Colonel.

"What happened?" The smaller one wearing glasses asked.

Kevin responded, staring at the large black man who stood between them and the Colonel protectively. "He fainted. We didn't hurt him, we were trying to help. There's something wrong with him, psychologically. He was talking to his dead son, like he was really there. We were just trying to get him to a hospital, but there's something wrong with his shoulder."

The smaller man glanced at them while he checked the Colonel's vital signs. "He's stable, Teal'c."

"He said his name is Jack O'Neill. He's a Colonel in the Air Force."

"We know. He's a friend of ours, he walked out of the hospital on his own. We should get him back. Teal'c, can you carry him up the bank?"

"With great ease." Teal'c replied sadly, obviously implying that O'Neill was severely underweight.

The large man cradled the still form of the Colonel in his arms as he walked back up to the street. The smaller man turned to back to them. "My name is Daniel Jackson. Would you mind coming with us, we'd like to ask you a few questions about the Colonel's behavior. And thank you for trying to help him, I personally appreciate it."

Kevin shared a concerned glance with Levy, not quite trusting this man Daniel and his intentions.

"I promise it will only be a couple hours. We can provide you with food and clothing and anything else you need. It's the least we can do."

Eventually they agreed, and they joined Teal'c on the bridge. Daniel radioed in for an ambulance to come pick them up and Teal'c laid the Colonel on a patch of grass near the bridge, Daniel scooting in behind him to support his head.

Kevin and Levy stood awkwardly to the side, close together for comfort as Daniel stroked the Colonel's face soothingly. Kevin cleared his throat. "Was he tortured?"

Daniel glanced up at them, his face an unrevealing mask. "What did he say?"

"He said they killed him over and over again, something about knives in his heart. We saw some of his scars. It didn't look good."

Daniel nodded. "Yeah, it was pretty bad. More than any human should ever have to go through."

"He was more upset about his son, though. But I think he may have worked things out in the end." Levy commented helpfully.

"What do you mean?" Daniel asked.

"He just seemed like he was coming to terms with it. Said good-bye and everything, but not like he was dying."

"Yeah," Kevin agreed. "He looked like he was listening to someone, maybe he could hear his son talking to him to help him through this. I knew a guy once who would talk to cats and they'd help him find food and talk him out of doing something stupid."

"Cats?" The man called Teal'c inquired.

"Yeah, cats. It was all in his head, but they acted as a kind of…conduit or connection for his thoughts."

"That actually does make sense. At least, for Charlie to be the one to convince Jack to get through this. In his mind, seeing Charlie again would be the best thing for him. And if he's saying good-bye then he's at least come to terms with his absence."

"He said he owed him." Kevin informed them. "He owed his son something. He didn't say what."

"Life." Daniel replied thoughtfully.

"Indeed." Teal'c agreed. "O'Neill would be indebted to live the life that was taken from his son."

"Which explains his sense of humor." Daniel flinched and lowered his head. "That was in such bad taste for me to say that, wasn't it? I just hope he's all right."

"I believe O'Neill would have appreciated your attempt for levity, Daniel Jackson."

"Attempt. Yeah, thanks Teal'c."

Kevin and Levy smiled at the evident camaraderie between the two men, and their obvious affection and concern for the Colonel. Kevin cleared his throat before asking, "How long have you been friends with the Colonel?"

Daniel glanced at Teal'c and made the simple calculations before replying. "Seven years, I guess. If you count the time he was missing. Or I was," he mumbled.

"How long was he missing?" Levy asked.

"Two years." Daniel answered. "I can't tell you where he was, but you can see it wasn't good."

"How did you finally find him?"

"We didn't. He escaped on his own and made it home." He stopped abruptly as though he wanted to say something else.

Teal'c said it for him. "He managed to avert a major terrorist plot upon his return."

Daniel pursed his lips and nodded gratefully at Teal'c. He knew they would never get recognition for any of the things they'd done, but right now it just seemed really important to show that Jack O'Neill was still in there fighting.

"No kidding?" Kevin responded in awe. "That's incredible. He must be really special, huh?"

"Indeed." Teal'c replied solemnly.

The sound of an ambulance siren broke through their conversation and within minutes Jack was loaded up in the back and on his way back to the hospital with Teal'c at his side. Daniel waited with Kevin and Levy for Sam to arrive in her car.

"How is he?" She asked as soon as they climbed into the car with her.

"He's okay, Sam, just unconscious. Probably too much walking, he's really too weak to be doing stuff like this."

"But he's okay?"

"According to them." He nodded at the two men in the back seat, then realized he had never asked their names and they introduced themselves. After all the introductions were made, Daniel looked pointedly at Sam and said, "He was talking to Charlie. He might be trying to work things out with Charlie's help."

"Charlie died at the hospital." Sam said quietly. "I didn't even think about that, what it might do to him. And seeing Sara must have triggered something."

"I really think it may have helped. After Charlie died Jack was ready to kill himself. He took that first mission because he thought he would never come back."

"What?" She exclaimed, jerking her head towards him and ignoring the road. Kevin and Levy both grabbed the door handles and braced themselves, eyes wide and terrified by her apparent anger.

"He got over it Sam, that's the point. At first he realized how selfish he was being, how many people were going to die because of him. But now I think it was more than that. He loves life. He loves living, and helping people. He's saved too many lives for it all to be meaningless. Losing Charlie was the worst thing to ever happen to him, and if he could come back from that I think he can do it now. And his subconscious chose Charlie to help him through it."

She nodded almost imperceptibly, her hands not gripping the steering wheel so tight. "I hope you're right, Daniel. God, I hope you're right."

TBC

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Author's Note: Thank you to all my reviewers. I need a little more feedback here, because I've been trying to come up with a way to get Sam a little more active in Jack's recovery, and I can't think of a single convincing thing. I don't mean to make any enemies with this statement but I never really saw any evidence of Jack and Sam being anything more than close coworkers, except those few times where right out of left field they're longing for each other and admitting their feelings. Other than that, I only see the real true friendship between him and Daniel and Teal'c. So if you have any ideas please tell me, or I'll have to keep this a mostly Jack and Daniel friendship. Let me know what you think. 


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you for all the feedback, I got some great ideas. There's a general consensus for more JackDaniel friendship and a little more support from Sam. I think I can manage. But first…more Teal'c and finally some good times.

Warning: mild language

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Chapter 7

In his dreams he was at his cabin in Minnesota, propped up in a chair on the dock with a fishing pole in hand, a beer within reach and an Australian Sheppard curled up at his feet. There was no Stargate, there was no sarcophagus, and there were no Goa'uld. Just a fishless pond, cheap alcohol, and man's best friend. No future, no past, just the moment.

And he was happy.

Reality came crashing down around him as he opened his eyes to a plain white ceiling.

"O'Neill."

He redirected his gaze to the warm eyes of his Jaffa brother, and thought perhaps it wouldn't be so bad. "Hey Teal'c." He greeted in a raspy voice, followed by a small cough. A cup with a straw appeared in front of his face and he greedily took a drink of the tepid water.

"Do you recall what happened, O'Neill?"

He closed his eyes as his memories flashed back. "Took Charlie fishing. He was all grown up. Good-looking man. Insightful. He was always a smart kid. Got it from his mother."

"And from you as well, O'Neill."

"Yeah. Me too. How's Rya'c?"

"He is becoming a great warrior, and a great man. He is helping Bratac in converting the Jaffa to our cause. Our numbers grow strong."

"Do you get to see him often?"

"Not as often as I would like. That is the sacrifice we must pay for our freedom. I take comfort knowing that he is alive and well, fighting a worthy battle. He is happy. That is all I need to know."

"Charlie was happy. He loved to laugh."

"He had a great role model, I am sure."

Jack couldn't help the small laugh and smile that came out by reflex, especially when he saw the large smile on Teal'c's face. "Sara always called us her boys." His smile faded as quickly as it had arrived when he thought about Sara. "How's her father? Is he okay?"

"Doctor Fraiser informed us that he suffered a mild heart attack and will make a complete recovery in time."

"That's good. He's a good man. He was always there for her, even when I…" He trailed off, closing his eyes. "I never should have let her go," he said quietly.

Teal'c hesitated a moment, then reached over and took O'Neill's hand in his. O'Neill looked up at him, his eyes expressing the pain that was otherwise hidden from his face. "I have never stopped loving Drey'auc, yet we had both moved on, even before her death. I desired only her happiness and well-being, whether it was I who could provide it or not."

"Yeah. Me too. I think she's been happy. She was smiling again. You know, she always stuck by me, no matter how hard I pushed her away until Charlie died. When I got back from Iraq I was horrible to her and she took it all, suffered because of me, and I hated that I was the one doing that to her but I couldn't stop." He focused on the feel of Teal'c's warm, strong hand on his, absorbing comfort from the simple touch like a sponge soaking up water.

"What was the turning point of your recovery? What helped you to move on?" Teal'c inquired, gathering information in his non-subtle way.

O'Neill smiled cheekily at the memory. "She made love to me." His smile became more nostalgic at the memory. "I'd been sleeping on the couch, I didn't want to hurt her. She came down one night, told me she was having nightmares about what happened to me. I felt so guilty I couldn't say no and she crawled into my arms. I thought we were going to sleep, then she turned and kissed me, and it just progressed from there."

Teal'c looked down at their hands thoughtfully. "While I would like to assist you in your recovery, O'Neill, I believe I will have to draw the line at love-making. However, I have no aversion to holding your hand."

O'Neill looked at him for a full three seconds before belting out a laugh that erupted from his very core. He curled onto his side to control his muscle spasms as his laughter continued unabated.

Teal'c smiled at the response, glad that he had brought laughter back to his friend.

"Oh God, Teal'c, you haven't changed." He pulled his hand from Teal'c's to wipe the tears of laughter from his eyes.

At that moment Daniel Jackson entered the room and rushed forward when he saw the tears on his face. "What happened?"

He was nearly blind-sided by the huge grin on Jack's face. "Teal'c won't make love to me," he pouted.

Daniel's mouth opened and closed helplessly. "Huh?"

Jack was chuckling again, so Teal'c said, "O'Neill was informing me of his recovery from his imprisonment in Iraq. Though I consider myself a brother to O'Neill, there are some lengths to which even family will not go."

"Cheeky bastard," O'Neill mumbled.

Daniel watched them helplessly. "He wants you to make love to him?"

"NO!" The Colonel shouted, obviously horrified by the idea. "For crying out loud, Daniel, it was a joke. Jaffa humor." He saw the grin on Daniel's face. "Oh for crying out loud," he repeated, sinking down into the bed and pillow as far as he could. "Leave me alone," he grumbled, but it was clear he didn't really want them to leave.

Carter came in then, and saw the huge smiles on both Daniel's and Teal'c's faces. "What happened?"

"Not you too, Carter." The Colonel exclaimed.

"Jack wants Teal'c to make love to him." Daniel told her innocently.

"Daniel!" Jack exclaimed. "I am so going to kick your ass when I'm better. Teal'c, remind me to kick his ass. No, actually, you kick his ass for me. Since you won't make love to me, you owe me."

Daniel glanced at Teal'c with mock horror. "Oh crap, you wouldn't."

Teal'c raised his right eyebrow. "I have promised O'Neill that I would assist him in his recovery. I have denied him once, I can not in good conscience deny him again."

"What the hell is going on?" Carter asked, looking between all three men, clearly frustrated at being out of the loop.

"Does it matter?" Daniel asked, looking down at the broad smile on Jack's face.

Carter glanced down at the Colonel again, and could almost ignore the effects of the last two years on his presence. He seemed more relaxed, more comfortable, and his eyes mirrored only the slightest bit of pain in his soul. She knew that he still had a long way to go, but this was definitely a step in the right direction. "I guess not."

"So when can I get a beer?"

"Colonel, considering your body mass you'll get drunk on a single sip of beer."

"Sometimes you're too practical for my own good, Carter."

"Sorry, sir."

"I'd expect nothing less of you, Carter. How about a steak?"

They all flinched at the hope in his eyes, knowing that it would be some time before his stomach could handle anything that strong. "Sorry sir."

"Jell-o?"

"I think we can manage that." Carter agreed quickly with a smile, anxious to give him anything she could. To her great relief he smiled gratefully, accepting the small concession for what it was: progress.

He didn't even bother asking for cake.

TBC

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Author's Note: I know, short chapter, but I wanted to get it out as soon as possible. Again, thanks for the reviews and keep them coming please.

Bixata


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Over the next week Jack's mental state was a study in contradictions. At one moment he would be at ease, laughing and joking with his friends and the nurses, but within the next hour he could be actively violent, lashing out at anyone and anything, and minutes later he could be non-responsive, even to the gentle prodding of his teammates. This was not altogether unexpected, but at his better moments everything seemed to be so normal, like the old days, and everyone would be lulled into a false sense of security no matter what logic was telling them.

Jack slept a lot while his body recovered, sometimes drug induced, sometimes not, yet he always awoke disoriented and emotionless. Teal'c recognized the look as one awakening from the use of the sarcophagus. As though O'Neill knew that just hours ago he had been dead, and now he was alive and expecting another death.

They all hated to see him like that, but eventually he would become aware of his situation and either smile reassuringly or draw away from the world or try to strangle the nearest person.

For some reason he didn't like blonds, except for Carter. One blond-haired doctor had nearly had his face smashed in before Teal'c was able to restrain the crazed Colonel.

Jack was never left alone, there was always someone to keep an eye on him, and he was getting sick of it. He wanted just a little privacy, was that too much to ask? Just a moment of peace, where he didn't have to put up a front and pretend everything was okay. Where he could contemplate what had happened to him without worrying what he might do.

It felt odd to live for so long. Death had become almost a comfort to him, his way to escape the pain and boredom of life, but now he no longer had even that.

And he knew he really should be okay with that. He needed to be okay with that. It wasn't that he didn't want to live. He didn't want to die either, he just wanted…He wanted to be dead. And yet, he didn't.

Contradictions.

The living dead. That's what he was, what he had become, and not in the Bram Stoker sense, though perhaps he was, in a twisted sort of way. A soulless demon.

He shouldn't be having these thoughts. Not just become they could only lead to depression or worse, but because they were so ridiculous he should be embarrassed for even thinking them.

And yet there it was.

Too much time on his hands. Not enough to do, but lay on his bed and stare at the ceiling. Too much time to think. He didn't like thinking about it, he wanted to forget it all, pretend it never happened, that he had never left. But of course repressed memories were never good, so he was forced to face it, by himself. All alone. So lonely.

"Hey Jack! We got a surprise for you."

"Not in the mood, Daniel." Jack grumped, turning away from the door.

"You will be when you see the surprise. Come on, don't be such a baby."

Jack looked over his shoulder, taking the bait for what he suspected could be an old-time argument, but stopped when he saw what Carter had in her arms, and his eyes went wide.

"They let you in the hospital with that thing?" He tried to say it casually, but he wanted nothing more than to take what was in Carter's arms and never let go.

"It's not a thing, Jack." Daniel rolled his eyes.

Carter walked up to the bed and gently put the wriggling mass of fur onto the Colonel's lap. "We thought you could use the company, sir." Someone you know won't judge you, he could almost hear her say.

Jack stretched his hand out towards the Australian Shepherd puppy, stroking its fur along the back and rubbing its ears. "Hey there, little fella. What's your name?"

His teammates all shared a conspiratorial grin. "Homer." Carter informed him, and he couldn't stop the grin from spreading across his face and lighting up his eyes.

"Homer, eh? You know you're kind of cute, for a dog." Homer licked his hand happily, squirming in Jack's lap as Jack held him securely.

Carter snickered, amused that the Colonel would ever admit that anything was cute. "He's yours, sir."

Jack looked up at her in shock. "Mine? I live in a hospital, Carter, how am I supposed to take care of him?"

She smiled broadly. "Well, when you save the world, a lot of important people tend to owe you one. You won't have any problems keeping him here with you, and we can help take care of him until you're better. In the meantime, we thought he might cheer you up. I mean, just look at how cute he is." She grinned, flashing all her teeth at him.

Jack shook his head amusedly, smiling at the young pup. "Well, maybe he might have some entertainment value. And a puppy, now that should be fun. He's trained and everything, right?"

"Yes, sir. Of course. But only the basics. He won't fetch you donuts or anything like that."

"Darn." He sat up, swinging his legs off the bed, leaning down to safely deposit the puppy on the floor, where it immediately began running around investigating everything. "You're sure the staff won't mind him being here?"

"If you have any problems, just tell them that Murray would be more than happy to listen to their complaints." Daniel said.

Teal'c raised his eyebrow, then bowed his head, confirming the statement.

Jack watched the mischievous puppy. "He'll need to go outside a lot. They'll have to let me out to supervise of course."

"Of course." Daniel agreed.

"And then he'll need to have dog food and tags and a leash so I'll have to go out and get those for him. Do I have any money?"

His teammates were shocked at first, they hadn't suspected that Jack would want to go out in public. He barely tolerated anyone but his teammates. But perhaps being around strangers who didn't know him would be a good idea. Getting back to the basics of living on Earth would be a good thing.

"Your money was kept safe, Jack. We kept your house, too, and the cabin."

Jack looked up at Daniel, surprised. "You kept my house?"

Daniel smiled sheepishly. "Actually, I've sort of been living there. But it's exactly as you left it, so you can move in when you're ready."

"You kept my house." Jack repeated, a statement this time.

"Yes, Jack. We kept your house."

"You thought I was dead and you kept my house."

"No matter how you say it, it's still the truth. I just didn't want you coming back home to nothing. Your house was always my sanctuary, Jack. I just couldn't let someone else have it. It's yours whenever you're ready to go home."

Jack tried to shake off his surprise. "Thank you, Daniel."

"It was the least I could do."

"Sure. It was nothing. Uh-huh."

But it really was something. He knew his team had moved on without him, their lives continued and progressed while his stood at a stand still, but they hadn't forgotten him. They may have lived without him, but he was still in their thoughts. And that was really something.

He slid off the bed and knelt on the floor, his right knee to the ground, and pulled the puppy towards him, scratching his head. "Hey there little guy." He started rough-housing, forcing Homer onto his back to scratch his belly. "This is a terrible place to keep a dog but we'll find lots of ways to get you outside," he promised, just as Homer bit down playfully on his hand.

Jack jerked back by instinct even as his mind jerked back to the past, and he shoved the dog away, scratching at his arms and screaming as the creatures covered his body, chewing and scraping the flesh from his bones as he writhed on the floor in agony. The tearing of flesh and the sticky blood pooling underneath him, tiny teeth gnawing on his bones and tongues lapping up his blood.

But this time, instead of fainting to escape the past memory, he hurled himself back to the present gasping for breath and directing his attention to his body, to the solid, untouched flesh, the lack of blood, the clean floors rather than the writhing black mass of giant carnivorous insects.

On his hands and knees, he sucked in air greedily, staring at his hands, before looking around at his surroundings. There was Carter, looking terrified and on the verge of tears again, and Daniel looking appalled and angry and relieved, and Teal'c looking like…Teal'c. He focused on Teal'c, wrapping himself in the calm presence of his friend, steadying himself through the strength and determination in that gaze.

"I'm okay." He gasped. "I'm okay. Oh God, I'm okay." He collapsed back to the floor in a sitting position and held his head in his hands, his breathing finally under control.

"Maybe Homer was a bad idea." Carter whispered to Daniel.

"No!" Jack said forcefully. "No. I'm okay, really. It was a great idea, I love the little guy. You can't let me hold myself back, he's only a puppy for crying out loud. I can deal with a puppy bite. I can't be afraid of a puppy. It's…embarrassing."

He chuckled, imagining himself cowering from a tiny puppy, then a kitten, and a baby.

"Geez, what a nutcase." He laughed again, smiling up at his friends to show that he really was okay, and relieved when they smiled back at him. "Come here, Homer, I'm sorry I pushed you. It won't happen again. Come on, big guy, up you go." He picked Homer up around the middle and held him in front of his face. "You're a special little guy, huh? What do you say we go for a walk? Some fresh air will do you good, and I need to stretch my legs a bit. Just no biting for a while, alright? You don't see me biting you, do you?"

Daniel shared an amused smile with Teal'c and Sam, grateful that Jack had recovered from the memory on his own. The situation didn't seem so hopeless anymore.

TBC

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Author's Note: Sorry for the slight delay, I had trouble writing something meaningful for the story. I think I've found a way to end the story with the events of Lockdown and Zero Hour in season 8, but since I don't have access to the series I'm working a lot from memory. May be a while before I'm satisfied with what I write. Thanks for the reviews and keep them coming.

-Bixata


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Note: A billion and a half thanks to Flatkatsi for graciously giving me her extra supply of Stargate discs. You're a class act and a true fan and I am ever so humbled.

The idea for this chapter came from one reviewer who pointed out some things I have been neglecting. Thanks for the reminder. For SJ friendship fans.

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Chapter 9

Jack sat alone on a bench outside the hospital, scratching Homer behind the ears absent-mindedly as he gazed out at nothing. The little puppy curled around his wrist to nip at his jacket sleeve, but he didn't notice.

His mind finally focused on his surroundings, in time to see a young woman helping a young man with a broken leg into a car. They kissed briefly, and their hands seemed reluctant to leave each other, and he remembered a time when he and Sara had been like that, though perhaps in a much more macho way, for there was no way that he, a special ops officer, was ever that clingy.

If one was so misguided to believe that.

He didn't have that special someone anymore, and somehow, he was okay with that. His emotional needs weren't dependent on one person, but his entire team. They could share his burden, and because of that, he didn't feel so much like a burden anymore. He had his support group.

That didn't mean he was making it any easier on them. Oh no, he was testing the strength of their friendship to the limit. Which explained why he was out here alone, though not really alone because he knew all three of his teammates were hovering nearby pretending they weren't watching him. In an attempt to assert his independence he threw a fit and stormed out, non-violently of course so they wouldn't restrain him, but a fit nonetheless. They were probably drawing straws to see who would try to talk him into going back inside.

"Sir?"

Looks like Carter lost. "Carter."

"Do you mind?" She waved at the bench he was on, asking permission to join him.

"Not at all. Take a load off."

She sat beside him awkwardly, not too close and not too far. She smiled at Homer. "He's a little bundle of joy, isn't he?"

Jack allowed himself a small smile. "He's very protective. Ankle-biter. Shrink lost a few inches, if you know what I mean."

"He didn't." She laughed, trying unsuccessfully to hide her amusement.

"Oh yeah. Ended the session right there. Bit of a hypochondriac, I think. Kept going on about rabies and infection. Barely even pierced the skin, and he's threatening to sue me."

This time she laughed. "Think he'll need emotional therapy?"

"I wouldn't doubt it. A bite like that needs serious treatment. He could be having nightmares for months if he isn't careful."

The mood sobered and they sat there in silence as Homer crawled over his lap to investigate Sam's leg.

After a minute she finally broke the silence. "How is the therapy going? I know you've never really liked seeing a shrink."

"It's okay." He said quickly. "I'm not naïve enough to think I can get through this on my own, but it's all a little redundant. I've been through it all before. The therapy, that is, not the being tortured to death for two years after having a snake cure me of an incurable disease and leave me high and dry after he failed to save the love of his life. I don't think he ever really learned the concept of not leaving anyone behind."

She turned away from him, blinking hard, trying to hide her own feelings at having been the one responsible for this whole thing in the first place. If she hadn't begged him to take the symbiote he never would have been captured by Ba'al. And when the Tok'ra had informed them that he had disappeared, they had given up too soon. They should have tried harder to find him. He never should have had to…

"It wasn't your fault."

She turned to him quickly, surprised. "Sir?"

"It wasn't your fault, Carter. Any of it. It was out of your hands, there was nothing you could have done that you didn't do."

"It wasn't enough."

Their eyes met in the familiar gaze, sharing in silent communication what they could never say out loud, never put into words that would do justice to the feelings.

"Come here." He said gently, lifting his good arm around her shoulder and pulling her close so that her head rested on his shoulder. She turned her cheek against his chest as his chin came down to rest on top of her head. He felt her body tremble with emotion that was otherwise hidden beneath her military front. "You got someone to talk to?"

He could feel the smile through his shirt. "I thought that's what we were doing."

He brought his hand up to stroke her back soothingly, grinning into her hair. "Yeah, well, you know me. Not much for the whole talking bit. I've got too many of my own issues to deal with other peoples. But if you need someone to talk to…I'm sure Daniel would be willing."

She had to physically restrain herself from elbowing him in the ribs. "That's sweet of you, sir, offering his services like that."

"He's a do-gooder. Trying to solve everyone else's problems and neglecting his own. He was tortured, wasn't he?"

She glanced up at him in surprise. "How'd you know?"

"It's in his eyes. When he looks at me. Complete understanding, not just sympathy or…whatever. We've all been hurt, but it's different when it's…you know."

"I know." Homer crawled onto their laps and sprawled himself comfortably across their thighs. She idly scratched his neck. "What do you see in my eyes?" she asked after Homer was settled.

He tilted her head back to look at him, and she met his gaze, unguarded. "Hope," he said after a moment. "That I'll get better, that things will be like they were, that I'm still in here somewhere. That maybe the guilt of leaving me behind will go away." When she turned away he forced her to look at him again. "It doesn't go away, Carter. You learn to live with it. You weren't responsible for what happened to me, we both know that, but you have to accept it. Maybe I'm not the only one that needs to do some healing around here. Maybe we should work this out together."

She smiled, her eyes shining brightly with unshed tears. "Maybe. We kind of already started. even before you came back."

He blinked, confused. "Huh?"

She chuckled to herself. "On one of my last missions, I was aboard the Prometheus. We were attacked, I hit my head, and the rest of the crew were taken. I woke up alone with a concussion, the ship was damaged and stuck in a…well, it was stuck." She refrained from boring him with the technical details.

"And?" he prompted.

"And I started hallucinating. Daniel, Teal'c, my father, a little girl named Grace. And you."

"Hallucination, eh?"

"Yeah."

"What did I say?"

She shrugged against him. "Not much, really. But you were there, and that was all the motivation I needed."

He waited for her to continue but after a few seconds, he realized she was leaving it at that. "I'm not buying it, Carter. This is your brain we're talking about. I had to have said something enlightening or encouraging or…" he trailed off. "On second thought, I've never really been all that great at the whole 'pep talk' thing. But I'm glad you're okay."

"You told me to go fishing."

"Well, it sounds like you know me pretty well then."

"You said you'd always be there for me. That you were always with me. And I believed it. I hoped that if you were dead that you had found a way to stay with us, to watch over us or…something."

"Or something." He echoed.

"I'm so glad you're here. I'm glad you found your way back to us. My subconscious was right all along. You really are always there for me, even when you're not. I know it doesn't make sense, but…"

"You were always with me, too." He interrupted her quietly. "You and Daniel and Teal'c, you're the reason I'm still here. I could have really gone dark side after the first dozen times in the sarcophagus, but I was holding onto something important. You guys are my family and you've helped me in ways you'll never know."

They sat quietly for a long time, comfortable with their revelations and at ease in each other's presence. There was nothing else that needed to be said that they didn't already understand, and so they just held each other, drawing strength from the other, and knowing that whatever lie ahead in the future, they could deal with it together.

TBC

* * *

Author's Note: I hope I handled that satisfactorily. Please review and let me know. I wanted it to follow the same emotion as the show, without leading to shippyness.

-Bixata


	10. Chapter 10

Spoilers: Full Disclosure, Lockdown, maybe more

Chapter 10

General Hammond sat in the chair in his old office at the SGC, reading the reports from the Antarctica site which Dr. Weir was now overseeing. Hammond had been ordered back to the SGC when it was realized that Dr. Weir's talents would be put to better use dealing with the international bickering over rights of the Ancient outpost.

The scientists down there had discovered that a small percentage of humans possessed a specific gene which allowed them to manipulate the Ancient technology. Jack O'Neill was one of the few to possess the gene. How was that for irony? One of the most prominent figures of the SGC and he just happened to have the very rare condition required to save the world.

Daniel Jackson had been working half-heartedly on translating the Ancient writings found there, but his primary focus was on helping Colonel O'Neill, and rightly so, but some of the text seemed to be referring to an Ancient city. The Lost City, perhaps. But at this point it was all just speculation given Dr. Jackson's uncharacteristic disinterest in the translations.

Hammond had only been able to see Jack in those first few days after his return from Antarctica, before Hammond had been recalled to Washington to help with damage control and getting the country and Air Force back on its feet. As an officer he knew his duty, but as a friend, he hated that he couldn't be there for Jack.

He thought back to the days when Jack first disappeared. The Tok'ra had considered both Jack and Kanan to be dead, but Hammond and SG-1 weren't willing to give up so easily. The search went on for weeks, but nothing ever turned up. From Kanan's mission files they had reasoned that the Tok'ra may have returned to Ba'al's fortress, but Hammond couldn't justify authorizing a mission, even to rescue his second-in-command. The guilt of that decision hung heavily over the months and years as every time there was an unscheduled off-world activation he half-expected the Colonel to walk through, or stagger through, or fall through, back into their lives.

He'd made a lot of tough calls in his life, but somehow giving up on Colonel O'Neill never sat right with him. He knew how the Colonel felt about being left behind, they had briefly talked about his experiences in Iraq after the whole black hole incident, but he also knew that the Colonel would be the first to agree that Hammond's decision not to send in a rescue team was the right one. There were too many uncertainties, and Jack was willing to sacrifice his life, and his sanity, for the safety of the men and women under his command. General Hammond would get no recriminations from Colonel O'Neill.

But still, declaring his friend missing in action and giving up the search for him was one of the hardest things he had ever had to do in his professional career.

Now Jack was back, and according to Dr. Jackson and Major Carter, he was handling his recovery remarkably well. Hammond wasn't surprised, Colonel O'Neill was a resilient man, but there was really only so much the human body and mind could endure. He had hoped Jack would never have to find out just what that limit was, given his propensity for self-sacrifice which was matched only by that of Daniel Jackson, but from what he had heard about O'Neill's experiences as Ba'al's prisoner he didn't doubt that the experienced officer now knew exactly what his limits were.

And Hammond didn't doubt that those limits included military fanfare and political fawning. The man absolutely despised politics and paperwork and anything involving dressy shindigs or ceremonies. Hammond couldn't blame him. Getting Jack O'Neill to sit still was a great achievement on his better days.

Given Jack's condition he had managed to avoid the celebrations and award ceremonies and 'grateful nation' speeches, but now that he was doing better it was getting harder for Hammond to keep Washington away from the heroic Colonel. The President was anxious to meet the man who saved the planet, but at least he was sensible enough to respect the privacy of the man who had suffered so greatly yet managed to overcome all obstacles to save the world.

So dinner at the White House would have to wait for the infamous Colonel.

Hammond chuckled to himself, imagining Jack's reaction to all the fanfare with that irreverent humor of his. Then his smile faded when he realized he had no idea how Jack would react now. Did he still laugh and tell bad jokes to ease the tension? Would he even accept the praise from a government that had given up on him, that had left him for dead? Could he truly forgive Hammond for giving the order to cease the search?

Sighing, Hammond shut down his computer and closed the top. It was only his first day back at the SGC and the paperwork was stacking up but he would leave it for tomorrow. He needed to see Jack. He had put it off for too long.

Jack was sitting on the floor in his room, a bad habit he had picked up during his imprisonment, but the sarcophagus had done wonders for his knees and he had often laughed at the irony. If his head weren't so messed up he could have probably gone back into the field for a few more years now.

Homer was curled up at his side, kicking fitfully now and again as Jack scratched him behind the ears. Jack was considering reading some of the magazines Daniel had given him to catch him up on Earth events from the last two years, but they were on the other side of the room and he was feeling lazy.

So he just sat on the floor of his hospital room, in the exact same position he had sat on the floor in Ba'al's prison, staring ahead at nothing, bored out of his skull. The only difference was the little whimpering sounds from the puppy as he kicked fitfully in his dreams. So Jack was smiling.

There was a knock on the door and he cocked his head to the side curiously. Nobody bothered knocking anymore, they just barged right in. This must be someone new. "Come in." He said and his voiced cracked embarrassingly. With a scowl he cleared his throat. "It's open," he called and was much more satisfied with the results.

It was late, visiting hours were over for everyone but his teammates, so he wondered who would have bothered pulling the strings to get in to see him.

General Hammond! Dressed in khakis and a plaid shirt, bald as ever, looking every inch a doting grandfather.

Jack smiled broadly as he jumped to his feet to stand in the presence of his superior officer. "General! Good to see you. What brings you by this fine evening?"

Hammond smiled back, glad to see his friend in such good spirits. "Came to see you, of course. Just got back from Washington." He stepped closer and the two men shook hands.

"They put you back at the SGC? You know that's where you belong. The second you're gone and the world is almost annihilated. Too much of a coincidence if you ask me."

"Dr. Weir has been put in charge of the Ancient outpost you discovered. That left a spot open back at the SGC."

"So they brought you back home."

"To be honest, I was kind of looking forward to my retirement. Now it looks like it may be a while."

"Well, you've certainly earned it. How are the grandkids?" Jack asked as he waved Hammond to a chair and moved to his bed to sit down.

Hammond beamed proudly. "They're fine. Getting straight A's, as always. Tessa's softball team just won first place in their league."

"That's great! Nice party?"

"Of course. She said to tell you she hit a triple for you."

"Wow. A triple. Good for her. Wish I could have seen it."

"They've been asking to see you." Hammond said more quietly. "When I told them you were back they wanted to visit."

For the first time, Jack's smile faltered and he looked down at himself. He had put on a little weight but not enough and he was still pale. The scars he could hide with long-sleeved shirts, but he still didn't feel comfortable in public. Not that he really cared what people thought of him, but he didn't want to appear so weak. He didn't want to frighten Tessa and Kayla. At least, that was the only excuse he would give to another.

"I'd love to see them, General, but I don't know if…uh…I'm not really looking so good yet. I wouldn't want to frighten them. They'd be wondering what happened to that handsome, dashing uncle of theirs." He managed to appear like his light-hearted old self but Hammond could see the pain in his eyes.

Hammond understood that Jack didn't want to hurt the girls. There was really no way to know if he could keep his act together long enough for the girls' visit. Not that Hammond thought that Jack's warm and eager greeting was an act, but he was definitely trying to hide his true emotions. Or at least filter them.

"Take your time, Jack, there's no rush. Just let me know when you're up to seeing them."

"Yeah, thanks. I'd like to see them. So how was Washington? Nobody around here will tell me anything, I'm a security risk you know. Saving the world isn't enough to get the top secret 'Homeworld Security' briefings. Nice title by the way, very clever."

Hammond smiled and shook his head. "General public bought the cover story. Since you've been gone we've had to reveal the Stargate Program to some other governments: Great Britain, France, China…"

"China? Seriously? How'd that happen? More importantly, how'd you get them to keep it a secret?"

"Actually, Thor managed to lend a hand. Kinsey was no help, of course."

"Kinsey! How did that shrub even get on the ballot, anyway? I hear Hayes is a good man, but Kinsey? That two-timing, son of a…"

"Actually, Robert Kinsey was forced to resign from office, shortly after you left for the planet with the power source. He's been charged with treason."

Jack stared at him for several seconds. "And nobody thought to tell me this?" he asked incredulously. "Heck, sir, this calls for a beer. And cake. Was there a party upon his dismissal? That seems like an excellent reason to party. A world without Kinsey's meddling. Now that sure is something to fight for. So where's that beer?"

Hammond chuckled, amused by Jack's reaction. "Sorry, didn't have time to stop on my way here. How about some water?"

Jack grumbled to himself, but Hammond was sure he heard something about Homer getting treats.

"Your dog's name is Homer?"

Jack grinned broadly. "Yup." They both looked over at the Australian Shepherd, curled up asleep on the floor. "Keeps me company, doesn't bother me with chitchat. Forming attachments to the world so I don't off myself. Sorry, sir," he mumbled, "that was crass of me. Good intentions and all, and I love the little mutt, but I've already got enough to hang onto in this life. I don't think they see it though."

Hammond was surprised by Jack's open-hearted admission. He didn't doubt the honesty of his words, he was just surprised that Jack would even tell him something this personal. "Have you told them?"

Jack shrugged. "More of less. They know it. But sometimes I don't think they really believe it. They've lost so much over the years, I guess they can't really believe that I'm actually here, that I actually came back. At least, Daniel…" he trailed off, lowering his eyes.

Hammond nodded his agreement. "That boy's had a lot taken from him. He's a remarkable man, refuses to give up. All four of you, you were best team I ever had the honor to serve with. You always did stick together. It's great to see you together again."

Jack smiled. "To save a life. Mine."

"And theirs, as well. I remember when Dr. Jackson ascended, what the three of you went through. Like you'd lost a limb, and didn't know how to compensate. Then when you disappeared, everything fell apart completely. The only thing to keep Major Carter and Teal'c going was Dr. Jackson's return. Even then, it was never the same. But they sure tried hard, you have to give them that."

"Yeah. They always did give their best. Too much, if you ask me."

"Too much." Hammond agreed, including Jack in the category of giving too much. "Speaking of which, you might be delighted to know that Dr. Jackson is actually foregoing his work to be here. It's about time he took a break."

"What's he supposed to be working on?"

"Translations from the Ancient outpost in Antarctica. There's a reference to a city of some kind…"

"Atlantis." Jack supplied absent-mindedly nodding his head.

Hammond's eyes narrowed thoughtfully. "Atlantis?"

"Sure. Lost City of Atlantis. City of the Ancients. Probably got some big honking space guns the Pentagon would just love."

Hammond took a small step closer. "Colonel, where did you get this information?"

Jack shrugged. "The download, I guess."

"You can remember information from the Ancient repository? I thought Thor got rid of it all."

"Sure he did."

"Then how do you remember?"

"I can remember the things I actually did, personal thoughts I had at the moment, stuff like that, but not the big picture stuff. I thought I mentioned it to Daniel. Guess we both forgot. Could be important, General, you should probably have him take a look."

Hammond was in complete agreement. "Indeed. This sounds like it could be important. Do you think you might be able to remember more about it? You might be able to help Dr. Jackson with the translations."

Jack frowned slightly. "Uh, what kind of help? This isn't exactly the safest place to have classified documents."

"I can arrange to have you transferred back to the SGC, for as long as you're comfortable. The doctors tell me you're off the liquid diet routine, and Dr. Fraiser can oversee your care at the SGC. No pressure, Jack. If you don't like it you're free to leave at any time."

Jack though about it carefully, realizing that returning to the SGC would be a positive step in his recovery. He'd been having issues with claustrophobia, nothing extreme, he just needed to get outside a lot. And looking at Ancient writing he could barely comprehend would be more exciting than looking at white walls and contemplating the benefits of jell-o over pudding.

"Can Homer come with me?"

While Hammond worked out the details with Jack and the hospital, Colonel Alexi Vaselov boarded a flight in Russia, bound for Colorado Springs, where he would begin his new post at the SGC.

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

Spoilers: Lockdown

Chapter 11

"I thought you were supposed to be helping me."

"I am."

"You think so? Apparently our definitions of 'help' differ."

"Nah, just our interpretations."

"Jack."

"Daniel."

"Why are you here?"

"Why are any of us here?"

"Ja-ack."

"I'm helping you. You've spent the last however long it's been helping me, being there for me, ignoring everything else because you don't want to screw up and lose me again, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate how much you've done for me but you're starting to bug the crap out of me. So just do your normal thing, and get so engrossed in your translations that you need me to do my normal thing and remind you to eat and sleep and…breathe, and then we can do our SG-1 thing and find the big honking space guns."

The silence echoed around Daniel's office.

"Okay."

* * *

Jack strolled the halls of the SGC aimlessly, giving Daniel some time and space to look over the Ancient writings he had been ignoring. Jack had already told him all he knew about the Lost City of Atlantis, which wasn't much although he had a sneaky feeling that it was probably in a different galaxy. But he was so looking forward to watching Daniel's excitement when he figured it out that Jack couldn't spoil it by giving away the punchline.

As he roamed the corridors that had been his second home, or possibly his first, for more than five years he couldn't believe that nothing had changed. Everything else in his life was so different, but down here the walls were still gray, the floors were still painted with vibrant, colored lines to guide newbies to where they needed to be. The air still tasted stale, the soldiers wore green or blue, the scientists wore white lab coats, Anubis wore…

Anubis? What the…

He shook his head to get rid of that thought. Anubis was dead, and this was just…a Russian? Probably that Russian Colonel Hammond had mentioned. He stared at the back of the man he had just passed, but couldn't get the image of Anubis out of his head, no matter how hard he tried.

What disturbed him the most was not that he was imagining Anubis walking through the halls of the SGC, but that he could feel it. A sort of sixth sense he had developed during his frequent visits to the sarcophagus at the behest of both Ba'al and Anubis. And it was something he hadn't felt since he had returned to the SGC.

A cold shiver of fear ran down his spine, and then he was running. He needed to get away, he needed to tell someone, he needed to…he needed to…Crap, he couldn't think about what he needed to do. He just wanted to get out of there.

Elevator. No, damn it, elevators just reminded him of that pit and the antigravity generator, turning the room and flipping his stomach.

Daniel. Daniel would know what to do.

He hurried off to Daniel's office, ignoring the stares he was getting from the people he passed in the halls. He knew he looked panicked, because he was panicking, and he couldn't hide it. Anubis couldn't be here, but if he told the Doc, she'd order him to get a psych evaluation. Daniel would talk him through it.

He rounded the corner into Daniel's office and froze. Daniel was leaning over his desk, staring at the Ancient writing intently, a grin on his face that was unlike Daniel.

"Daniel?" He half-whispered, half-whimpered, stepping cautiously forward.

Daniel turned to him and there was fire in his eyes. "Colonel O'Neill." His voice sounded almost friendly, but the name was wrong. Daniel would never call him that. And he would never look at Jack so murderously.

And Jack would never feel so threatened in his friend's presence.

He backed away slowly, but Daniel followed him, moving more quickly. "What is it, Jack? You look terrified. You having flashbacks again?"

And that was enough to jumpstart him into action. He fled to the hallway, slapping the alarm as he rounded the corner and sprinted down the corridor. Over the blaring siren he could hear Daniel chasing him, but his adrenaline spiked and he quickly increased his distance. As he rounded the next corner he slammed into the large, solid body of Teal'c.

"O'Neill, what has happened?" Teal'c asked, looking down at him.

"Anubis! He's in Daniel. He's after me, Teal'c. We have to get him out of Daniel."

Just then Daniel rounded the corner looking concerned, his eyes wide with worry. Jack was just barely sitting up, his elbows on the floor behind him, unable to move.

"Jack! Are you okay? There's something wrong with him, Teal'c, he just freaked out." He sounded completely normal.

"No, Teal'c, it's not Daniel! It's Anubis! Can't you see that? That isn't Daniel. You gotta believe me."

Teal'c looked between the two men, Daniel looking calm but worried for Jack, and Jack looking terrified out of his mind. He offered his arm to help Jack up. "O'Neill. You need to calm down. You are only among friends. Anubis was destroyed with his fleet months ago."

Jack got to his feet but didn't let Teal'c go, trying to pull him away from Daniel. "I don't know how it's possible, but I can feel him, Teal'c. That isn't Daniel. It's Anubis. You can't trust him."

"O'Neill."

"No! Teal'c, restrain him, lock him up, zat him, we have to do something." He positioned himself so that Teal'c was a barrier between himself and Daniel. "That isn't Daniel."

He was so focused on making sure that Daniel didn't try to hurt him that he didn't notice Janet sneak up behind him and inject him with the sedative. He swung around, pushing her away from him as he fell to his knees, the drug already taking effect.

"No, Doc, I'm not crazy. Can't you feel it? It isn't Daniel, it's Anubis. Doc. You gotta…you gotta…get him out of there." His final words slurred as he fell forward into her waiting arms.

Teal'c and Janet both stared at Daniel. "What did you do? What set him off?" Janet asked, checking Jack's vitals and laying him out on the floor.

"Nothing. He went for a walk while I was working on the translations and when he came back he just ran away. He pulled the alarm and started yelling that I was Anubis. I don't know what happened, I didn't do anything to upset him like this. Maybe it was just too soon to bring him back in. He wasn't ready to be back down here."

"No. I guess not. But he was doing so good on the surface." Janet said sadly. "I have to get back to the infirmary. Colonel Vaselov was just admitted, too, he was found collapsed in his room."

"Vaselov. He's the new Russian officer, right?"

"That's right. Help me get the Colonel to the infirmary, Teal'c. Daniel, I'm sorry you had to see this. I'll let you know when he wakes up, but I think you should stay away until we're sure he's okay. We wouldn't want the whole base to think you've been possessed by Anubis, now, would we?"

Daniel laughed. "No, of course not. Just let me know when he's okay, I'm a little busy with the translations."

Teal'c helped Janet to carry Jack back to the infirmary, but as Daniel started walking away, Teal'c noticed it was not back to his office. "Daniel Jackson. Are you not returning to your office to complete the translations?"

Daniel turned around, looking slightly nervous. "Uh, no Teal'c, I'm going to the Control Room to check over some Gate addresses. I think Walter might be able to help me with something."

As Daniel disappeared around the corner his smirk was in place. These fools were far too easy to manipulate. Once he escaped through the wormhole he would return with a greater army and he would destroy the Tau'ri. Particularly O'Neill, though now his friends would think him nothing more than the pathetic, weak-minded human that he was. It was most fitting that O'Neill would never escape his fate.

To lose the faith of his own people was a greater torture than Anubis could have ever inflicted.

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

Thank you for all the wonderful reviews, especially my consistent, every-chapter reviewers.

Chapter 12

Not long after Jack was laid out in the bed he jerked awake, overcoming the effects of the sedative that Janet had forced on him. He groaned irritably until the memories came flooding back to him and he jerked upright, instinctively shoving Janet's hands away. "Stop it." He growled, trying to think clearly and get his limbs to obey his commands.

"Colonel, you had…an episode. I need you to calm down."

"Where is he, Doc?" He shoved again at her persistent hands and glared at the nurse who was trying to assist her.

"Who?" It was obvious she knew who he was talking about, and that she was regretting sending Teal'c away to inform the General about what had happened to Jack.

"Daniel." This time he pushed her away and jumped off the bed, staggering as his body still fought off the effects of the tranquilizer.

"Colonel, stop, you're not well. I need you to calm down and return to the bed."

"No, Doc, it isn't Daniel. You have to believe me."

"Sir, I know it's hard." She was grabbing at his hands, holding him there, non-threateningly, trying to reason with him.

"I'm not crazy. I know what I felt." He glanced up and noticed Colonel Vaselov in the next bed. "There! Him! He was in him earlier, now he's gone. He's in Daniel. We have to stop him."

"Sir, this is Colonel Vaselov. He just arrived from Russia, there is no way that Anubis could have been inside him. You've been through a horrible ordeal, and this is to be expected, but I need you to calm down. Anubis is dead. He was destroyed with his fleet by the weapon at the Ancient outpost. Do you remember this?"

"Of course I do, Doc, because I'm not crazy. Let me talk to Daniel. Let me see Daniel. I'll believe you if I see him."

"Daniel's working on his translations in the Control Room, I'll have him come see you when…"

"The Control Room? Damn it, Doc, he's trying to escape." With a burst of energy brought on by adrenaline he shoved both women's grasping hands away from him and sprinted out of the infirmary and down the corridors to the Control Room.

Janet chased after him, calling out to the SFs in the halls to stop him, but the first to try was knocked to the floor and disarmed by a very determined Colonel.

Janet sounded the alarm, realizing the Colonel was a serious threat to Daniel right now.

Meanwhile in the Control Room Daniel was watching SG-11 prepare to embark on their next mission. Hammond was there, waiting for the wormhole to engage to give the team the order to move out. Teal'c had just joined them and was standing with his hands clasped behind his back, his gaze focused on the spinning Stargate as the chevrons encoded.

Daniel looked down at the men gathered at the base of the ramp. "I need to check something over with Captain Wilkins." He said, and quickly moved down the stairs.

As the sixth chevron engaged the base alarms went off, startling the men in the Control Room as well as SG-11.

"What's going on?" Hammond asked, glancing at the computers in front of him and realizing the alarm had nothing to do with the Stargate.

"Someone pulled the emergency alarm, sir." Sergeant Walter Harriman responded. "Shall I abort the dialing sequence?" He asked as the seventh chevron engaged and the unstable vortex of the wormhole flashed out and settled within the 'Gate. "Or shut it down?" He revised nervously.

Before Hammond could respond Colonel O'Neill hurtled into the room and slammed his hand over the iris pad, closing the iris. "Shut it down!" he ordered, peering down into the Gate Room and recognizing Daniel. Daniel, who had been sneaking up to the previously open wormhole.

"Colonel, what is the meaning of this?"

"Can't you see that isn't Daniel?" Jack stumbled backwards a bit, his body still affected by Janet's drugs. "You can't just let him walk out of here."

"Colonel, Dr. Jackson isn't going anywhere. He just needed to discuss something with Captain Wilkins."

"And he needed to do that on the ramp?" Jack asked incredulously, pointing down at Daniel who was looking up at them far too innocently.

"O'Neill, please hand over your weapon."

Hammond was startled by Teal'c's calm request, he hadn't noticed that Jack was armed. "Colonel, where did you get that weapon?"

Jack was shaking now, with rage that nobody believed him and fear that something bad was going to happen to Daniel. When Teal'c took a step towards him, extending his hand to take the gun, Jack brought it up and pointed it at Teal'c's chest, knowing he could never fire it but he had to defend himself if he was going to protect Daniel.

"I don't want to do this, General, but if I can't get you to believe me then there's no other way. Anubis is controlling Daniel. I can feel it. If he gets out then the galaxy's in for a world of hurt, and when he returns to Earth we won't be able to stop him a second time. I need you to trust me." He spoke very calmly, deliberately, watching Teal'c carefully. "If I'm wrong, no harm done. If I'm right, then we might save Daniel. And I am right, General."

They stood there for several moments, contemplating the events that had occurred. And what was Daniel doing in the Gate Room anyway? What would he have needed to discuss with Captain Wilkins?

"All right. We'll see this through. But hand over your weapon."

Jack didn't have a chance as suddenly shots rang out from the room below, followed by alarmed shouts as Daniel held one of the SG-11 officers by the throat, armed with the man's sidearm. "Open the Stargate," he demanded.

Jack and Teal'c were already down the stairs, Teal'c running around to enter through the other shield door, dividing their attack. Jack peered around the blast door but scurried back when a bullet bounced off the wall near his head. The room was full of SFs but he knew they wouldn't fire at Daniel, not when he's got his human shield, and especially not because it's Daniel.

But Anubis had no qualms about shooting the SFs.

"Daniel!" he called out, knowing Daniel wasn't in control but unable to deter his instincts. He took a deep breath and moved out from behind the wall to face his enemy. "Anubis." He greeted calmly. "Been a while."

Daniel's face looked back at him with amusement. "Colonel O'Neill. You are incapable of inflicting damage on this host. Lower your weapon."

"You first."

"Your behavior has often amused me, Colonel, but your bravado is just an act. I know the real you. I know your fears. You are nothing but a frightened child. If you do not release me I will destroy your world."

"You'd try to destroy my world anyway. So how about you get out of my friend and then we'll discuss the terms of your surrender."

"I find that unlikely."

"Get out of Daniel, or I will shoot."

"And kill your friend? Does he mean so little to you? After all he has done for you?"

"Get out."

"Perhaps you have an alternative?"

No. God, no, not that. Anything but- "Take me."

He didn't know what he was doing. Instinct took over, his need to protect his friends exceeded his own safety, his own sanity. He spread his arms wide, stepping closer.

"Let Daniel go and you can do whatever you want with me."

Daniel's face seemed to be considering it. But then he turned the gun towards Jack and Jack's whole existence narrowed to the muzzle of that gun, held by his best friend. He was going to die by his best friend's hand. He closed his eyes, accepting his death as the final end, regretting only that Daniel would have to deal with the guilt of the actions he could not control.

But the whine of a zat blast brought him back to the present and he opened his eyes as Daniel fell to the floor, releasing the man he had held to shield him from the SFs. Jack's gaze drifted to Teal'c who was standing at the other side of the room by the blast door, but then he was focused on Daniel, who suddenly looked determined and decidedly pissed off as he overcame the effects of the zat blast. He watched as Daniel aimed his gun at Jack, but instinct once again took over and he fired first, knowing that Teal'c would never risk a second shot with the zat.

Daniel went down first, but Jack joined him within seconds.

Hours later in the infirmary, Sam, Teal'c and General Hammond were looking down at Daniel in the bed. "He's lost a lot of blood but his life is no longer in any immediate danger." Janet told them.

The General looked uncomfortable. "Any effects from…that thing inside him?"

As soon as Daniel had hit the ground a black, inky cloud had emerged from his body and disappeared through the walls.

"He has an elevated white blood count, as does Colonel Vaselov. But he doesn't have any lesions, yet."

"You believe Colonel Vaselov's illness is a result of Anubis' possession?"

"It's highly likely, sir. Colonel O'Neill claimed that he had first sensed the presence of Anubis in Colonel Vaselov, but that it was gone now. That's when he ran off to the Gate Room to stop Daniel." She cast her eyes down, hating that she hadn't believed the Colonel and that she had simply assumed that he had a psychological episode.

The others all turned to look at the bed behind them. "And how is Colonel O'Neill?" Hammond asked.

Janet moved over to stand beside Jack. "Near as I can tell, he's in shock. He's catatonic, sir, but otherwise uninjured."

"Do you have any ideas why? Was it induced by Anubis?"

Janet shook her head. "I can't know that for sure, but personally, I don't think so. He had to shoot Daniel, sir. He may even think he killed him. After everything the Colonel's been through, after all that Daniel has done for him…He saved Daniel's life, but for him it might seem like he just killed his best friend. I don't think he could live with that, even if he considers he was doing his duty."

"But Dr. Jackson is alive."

"I imagine the Colonel doesn't think so. And until Daniel awakens I don't think there's anything we can do to convince him otherwise."

"So, we wait?" Sam asked, glancing between the two men on the beds. "And hope that Anubis doesn't try anything again?"

"Anubis will be looking for another way through the Stargate." Teal'c informed them. "We cannot allow him to escape."

They all looked over to the General. "We'll put the SGC under lockdown. Major, find a way to deal with our unwanted guest. Doctor, do what you can for them. Let me know when Dr. Jackson is awake." He took one last glance at Daniel, then Jack, then returned to the Control Room to make an announcement.

Sam stepped up to Jack's bed, and hesitantly reached out to take his hand in hers. "Sir, Daniel is alive. You didn't kill him. You saved his life. So, snap out of it. We need you here."

"I don't think he can hear you, Sam."

"Worth a shot. Let me know when either of them is awake. I have to figure out a way to stop a partially ascended being who can apparently inhabit any body it chooses."

"Piece of cake." Janet replied sympathetically.

"Yeah. Piece of cake. Maybe that would wake the Colonel up. You know how much he loves cake."

Janet smiled but shook her head. "Somehow, I think he loves Daniel more."

Sam nodded her agreement. "Daniel will know what to do."

"I hope so."

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Daniel slowly awoke to the familiar sounds of the infirmary. His second home. He sighed, wondering what he had done this time to wind up on the clean, white bed with the uncomfortable lump under his lower back that just refused to smooth out. He'd been pestering Janet about it for months.

The curtain was drawn around him but he thought he could hear quiet breathing in the bed to his right and a more strained, raspy breathing from the bed to his left.

He looked down at himself, noticing his arm was in a sling, as a nurse came in to examine him, informing him that his team and Dr. Fraiser were on the way. "What happened to me?" he asked her, but she refused to answer, telling him that Dr. Fraiser would inform him of his condition when she arrived. He sighed again, trying to listen for the breathing of the beds on either side of him, wondering who they were.

Finally, Janet entered the room, heading straight for him, with Sam, Teal'c and General Hammond. He wondered where Jack was. Oh god, was Jack okay?

"Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on?" He exclaimed, agitated and worried about Jack.

"You're recovering from a gunshot wound." Janet told him, looking over his charts.

"What?"

"You have no recollection of the incident?" Teal'c asked.

"No! Who shot me?" he asked, narrowing his eyes accusingly, knowing it had to have been somebody on the base.

He could see their discomfort and guilt, and immediately his concern for Jack grew ten-fold.

"What do you remember?" Hammond asked with authority, clearly changing the subject.

"Jack had just left, we needed a break from the translations, and I went to see Colonel Vaselov. Right in the middle of our conversation he collapsed…and…I went to help him, and…that's it."

"You don't remember going back to your office?" Sam asked.

"No! Where's Jack? And who the hell shot me?"

Sam took a deep breath before responding. "You were trying to leave through the Stargate. You wounded two guards. We believe you were possessed by Anubis," she added quickly when she saw his horrified expression.

"You'd think that getting blasted out of orbit would have slowed the guy down." He quipped, channeling Jack's humor and trying to hide his fear for his friend. "Sam, where's Jack? Is he okay?" He didn't even think to ask where Anubis was now.

They all looked to Hammond, who nodded his head briefly at Teal'c. Teal'c pulled the curtain away that separated him from the rest of the infirmary.

Jack was lying on the bed next to him, obviously asleep but otherwise seemingly uninjured. Daniel immediately tried to get up to go over to him, but Janet's gentle hands pushed him back.

"Not yet, Daniel."

"What's wrong with him?"

"We aren't sure, Daniel, but he's catatonic. He knew that Anubis was controlling you, he could somehow sense the Goa'uld's presence. He tried to stop you." Sam informed him quietly.

"He had to shoot me, didn't he? You let him…oh god. Anubis tortured him for days and he had to face him again. Anubis with my face. Sam, that's…How did he handle it? Did he know it wasn't me, that I would never…that I would never hurt him?"

"Daniel, it's okay. He knew it was Anubis, not you. I think he was more concerned for saving you than facing Anubis."

"And he obviously did save me, so why isn't he okay? Doesn't he know I'm okay?"

"He collapsed right after he shot you, Daniel. I doubt he even realizes his shot didn't kill you."

"Then tell him. He has to know I'm okay. He can't think that he killed me."

"He's non-responsive, Daniel." Janet told him sadly, seeing the pain in his eyes at Jack having to go through yet another form of psychological torture. "We'll have to wait until he pulls himself out of it."

"Maybe if he hears my voice…" Daniel suggested hopefully with his pleading blue puppy dog eyes directed at her full force. "Please, Janet, it's just a few feet. Just…push me over there." He swept his hand from his own bed over to Jack's. "I won't move, I'll be resting right here in bed, and I won't have to shout at him and disturb…uh, who's over there?"

"Colonel Vaselov." Sam told him. "We think he was infected…possessed first before Anubis transferred to you. You said you went to see him."

"Yeah, I was going to be the welcoming committee, you know. Smooth some of those ruffled feathers between our governments. Is he okay? He sounds like he's having trouble breathing."

"It's nothing you should be worried about, Daniel. His immune system has deteriorated, he must have been carrying Anubis for a while." Janet looked over at the curtain thoughtfully, then looked at General Hammond. "Sir, it's possible that he was still in Russia when Anubis took him over. Based on Daniel's response to his presence compared to the Colonel's, he must have been infected for days, maybe even weeks."

Hammond thought it over, then turned to Carter, who nodded before he even had to say anything. "I'll look into it, sir." Then she reached out to touch Daniel's arm. "I'm glad you're okay, Daniel. And I think that maybe the Colonel will hear you talking to him. He really needs you now, so make sure you take care of yourself first." She hurried from the room, focused on her new task and still mulling over how to capture and defeat Anubis.

Meanwhile, Hammond moved over to stand by his unconscious former 2IC while Teal'c helped Janet to move Daniel's bed closer to Jack's. Daniel sat up, already annoyed with the sling around his neck but not stupid enough to risk Janet's wrath by removing it.

"Hey Jack." He called out softly, and reached over to take Jack's hand, frightened by the cold, stillness of it. "You did the right thing, Jack. You saved my life. And I…I remember some of it. They didn't believe you, but you never gave up on me. You didn't care about what they could have done to you, your only concern was what happened to me. So thank you, Jack. Now I'm going to return the favor, and I won't give up on you. So…wake up, okay?"

It really was too much to hope for that Jack would just wake up and return to normal, or what qualified for normal, at Daniel's heartfelt request.

Hammond watched the two friends and knew that Jack was in good hands. "I have to get back." He said quietly to Janet, trying not to interrupt Daniel's gentle words of encouragement to Jack. "Let me know if you need anything." Then he spoke in a slightly louder voice to Daniel. "Dr. Jackson, things may get a little hectic around here for a while. I'd like you to stay with Colonel O'Neill until the situation is contained."

"Yes, of course, General. Is there a game plan yet?"

"The SGC is under lockdown until further notice. Nothing in or out until we're sure that Anubis is contained. I'm afraid we can't allow you or Colonel O'Neill to go to the surface. I know that might be a problem for him. When he wakes up you'll have to keep him under control."

"I'm sure he can handle it. This is Jack, we're talking about."

"Yes, it is. Just make sure he knows that you're alive, and he did the right thing. He doesn't need any more emotional trauma."

"Neither do you, sir." Daniel looked up at him with an insightful gaze. "If Jack hadn't been here, Anubis might have escaped through the 'Gate and we would have never known. You did the right thing inviting Jack back to the SGC. And I'm sure he'd tell you the same thing."

Hammond smiled, always amazed by Dr. Jackson's insight to the human psyche, as well as his bravery. Not many people would be willing to console a Lieutenant General. "Thank you, Dr. Jackson. I guess we all have our own feelings of guilt in this affair."

"I guess so." Daniel agreed, looking at Jack again. "You all did what you had to do. I think he knows that."

"I'm sure he does."

* * *

He was floating. He was cold and he couldn't breathe. There was nothing to breathe, nothing to touch, he felt everything and nothing. Nothing. Nothingness. Zip, zilch, nada. Zero. Zero gravity. Zero life support. 

He would be dead soon, it was only a matter of minutes, but he would lose consciousness within seconds.

It was the opposite of his previous conceptions of death. People say death pulls you under, but he was soaring, weightless, light-headed. If it hadn't hurt so much it might feel good. There was nothing out here, nothing could touch him, nobody could hurt him. It was just him and the lack of elements, and he had never felt so free.

His soul stripped bare, no need to protect it out here among the stars. He was among the stars, at home in the heavens, far from the Abyss. He was at peace.

He was dead.

No, not dead. He knew death intimately, and this wasn't it. This was peace unlike any he had ever felt. Alive and dead, caught in between yet unlike the existence of his living death. Not death. Sleep.

Sleep?

He was floating towards death, but he was tethered to life, bound by the love of his friends, his family. Secured by the hand of Daniel Jackson.

He wouldn't let go. He would never let go.

TBC

----

Author's Note: I'm sorry about the delay, I've been a little short on inspiration, and equally short on fully-cognizant time (I had a couple exams, so my brain is a little fried). I'll try to do better now.

Bixata


	14. Chapter 14

Author's Note: I doubt I made this clear in the last chapter, but at the end when we hear Jack's thoughts, it's a pseudo flashback. In Climbing the Abyss chapter 4 he mentions that Anubis threw him off the ship and he died in space. So…that's what he was doing. Bravo to anyone who got that, it was kind of obscure.

Bixata

Chapter 14

Daniel remained by Jack's side during the lockdown. He had figured out a way to force Anubis to use his powers, thereby enabling the Others, the ascended Ancients, to deal with him. He had offered his suggestions to Sam to isolate sections of the base so no one single person could get the Stargate operational, but from there on he had stayed strictly by Jack's bedside, engaging in quiet conversation with Colonel Vaselov when he was up to it.

He knew something was going down when the alarms went off, and he was just considering going to check it out when Jack stirred. Daniel looked around quickly and realized that Janet had already gone to respond to a medical emergency, and he couldn't leave Jack alone, even if there were nurses here to check on him.

"Jack?"

Jack shifted slightly, his head fell to the side, but his eyes didn't open. Daniel checked his pulse and breathing just to be safe, wishing he could turn off that blasted alarm. On the other side of the room Colonel Vaselov was sitting up, trying to observe Jack and Daniel.

"Jack, it's Daniel. You're okay, I'm okay. I'm here."

Jack's eyes suddenly flew open and he stared beyond Daniel at the ceiling. "Anubis." His voice held so much pain and hatred, a tremor of fear that didn't belong there. His eyes focused and cleared, drifted over Daniel's face then down to his shoulder. "I shot you."

"Yes, you did. You stopped Anubis from taking me. Great shot by the way, Janet says I'll be fine in a couple weeks."

"I shot you," Jack repeated, unhearing.

"To save me. It's okay, Jack, you did what I would have wanted you to do. After everything that Sha're went through I can't be a host. You saved me from that. And even if I had died, it was still what I would have wanted."

"What I would have wanted." Jack repeated, his eyes glazing slightly. "Wanted death."

"No, Jack, not death. Freedom. We're both free now, Jack, and you did that. You're going to be okay. We'll get you through this. I'll get you through this."

"They didn't believe me, Danny. I tried, I tried so hard, but they almost stopped me…they almost didn't let me…save you. I'm a risk to the base, a hazard. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to move on."

"The point is that you did save me. You didn't give up until you were sure I was okay. And if you hadn't been here then Anubis would have escaped, and me with him. You're stronger than you think you are, Jack. I have faith in you, and whether you believe it or not, the others do, too."

"I panicked. I felt him, and I panicked. Turned tail and ran, I had to get away from him. My first thought wasn't about helping you, it was about getting away from him."

"That's the basic rule of survival, Jack, you taught me that. Protect yourself to protect others. I would have done the same thing. Any sane person would have done the same thing."

"Sane." He repeated with a hint of disbelief. "Am I?"

"Yes, you are, Jack. There's no doubt in my mind. You've just been through more than any person should ever have to go through. And all things considered, you're handling it with more courage than anyone I've ever seen. And considering what we do for a living that's saying quite a lot."

Jack smirked. Yes, he actually smirked. That had to be a good sign, right?

"What's going on?" Jack asked suddenly, glancing towards the door where the glow of the red emergency lights could be seen, and finally registering the annoying klaxons. "Uh, is there a problem? How long was I out?"

"I don't know what's going on, there's always a problem when the little red lights flash, and you've been asleep for almost a week."

"Why are you here if there's something going on? Shouldn't you be out there trying to help?"

"I am helping. I'm staying out of their way. I've been shot, you know."

"This is you helping? Reminding me of what a bastard I am?" But though the words were harsh his tone was not. A smile threatened at the edge of his lips and his eyes were warm and amused.

This was how Jack always dealt with things he didn't want to face. Humor. Subtle or blatant, apt or inappropriate, in whatever form humor was his best defense against the darkness of his soul.

And they both knew he was going to be okay.

-----

While Daniel helped Jack deal with the aftermath of events, Colonel Vaselov slipped out of the room unnoticed and hurried to the Gate Room, committed to stopping Anubis before he could ever threaten either or those two men again. Or anyone else, for that matter. He was dying, but seeing how Colonel O'Neill bravely faced death, and life, he knew what he had to do.

-----

While Jack and Daniel joked about smuggling Homer down with the next supply of potatoes and jell-o and coming up with plausible explanations that only a two year-old would believe, Sam, Hammond and two others walked sedately into the infirmary, followed closely by an anxious Janet.

Daniel stood up quickly, his gaze taking in the somber expressions. "What happened? Did he escape?"

"Sort of." Sam replied. "He managed to dial the 'Gate but I was able to override the established dialing sequence and input an alternate address. I sent him to KS7-535 instead."

Jack stared at her blankly for several seconds. He wasn't familiar with the designation, either it was new or he couldn't remember. "Who was it?" He asked gravely, subconsciously reaching out to grab Daniel's hand, as if to assure himself that Daniel wasn't gone.

Sam chewed nervously at her bottom lip while General Hammond told him. "Colonel Vaselov."

Daniel and Jack both turned to the vacant bed. "I didn't even notice him leave." Daniel admitted.

"It was his decision." Sam said, and glanced at General Hammond. "Anubis was about to leave with General Hammond. Colonel Vaselov got there just in time to switch places, to force Anubis to take him instead."

"He knew he was dying." Daniel said as he nodded his head absently. "He sacrificed himself to save others."

"Indeed he did, son." Hammond agreed, then took a deep breath. "He said to thank you, Colonel."

"For what?" Jack asked, confused.

"Living, I guess. I wouldn't know, I was otherwise occupied." He looked over to Sam for further explanation.

She shrugged. "He just said to thank you. How long have you been awake?"

"Since the alarm first went off." Daniel told her. "Why?"

"So you never met the Colonel." She stated, trying to work out Vaselov's reasoning. "I guess he must have admired you." She looked him straight in the eye. "We all do, you know."

He smiled weakly. "Sure. Backatcha. I'm glad to see you're all okay. General Hammond, I am very, very pleased that you aren't on…uh…KS-whatever. I think. What's so bad about the place, anyway?"

His friends all shared a secret smile. "It's chilly." Daniel finally replied with a shrug, then raised his eyebrows innocently and scratched his elbow through the sling. "Very chilly."

TBC

Author's Note: I'm not too sure about the planet's designation, I got it from a transcript. If P is for planet and M is for moon, what is K? Oh well, sorry if it's wrong. -Bixata


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Jack was back up on the surface as soon as he was cleared from the infirmary and the lockdown was officially ended. He sat at the top of the mountain looking down into the valley, with Daniel and Teal'c at his side. In his own way, Teal'c had apologized for doubting Jack when he claimed that Anubis had possessed Daniel. It was a relatively simple apology.

"I am sorry I doubted you, O'Neill."

"Not your fault, T. I'd have doubted me, too."

And that was all they needed.

Carter was still busy running diagnostics and ensuring that Anubis hadn't hidden any other threats to the base in the computers but she planned to join them as soon as possible. In the meantime Homer kept them occupied as he chased a grasshopper, then his tail, then the grasshopper again.

"Hey, Daniel?" Jack called out after a few minutes of silent contemplation over the puppy's activities.

"Yeah Jack?"

"Why aren't I upset that I had to shoot you?"

Daniel looked up and blinked, raising his eyebrows. "What?"

"I shot you. I could have killed you. When I was with Ba'al I had to watch him kill Shalen and I thought it was Sara or Carter or you guys and that nearly broke me. And then when I had to kill her…Anyway, why am I happy that I shot you?"

Daniel's mouth opened and closed several times. "I don't know. Maybe you've always had a secret desire to shoot me." He paused, "Or maybe not so secret."

Jack smirked at him.

"In all seriousness, you didn't kill me Jack, you saved my life. I'm very happy about that, by the way. And you were nearly catatonic for almost a week after you shot me, you just don't remember it. You had plenty of time for your subconscious to deal with all the pleasure and pain of putting a bullet in my arm. So don't think I won't milk this for all its worth despite your own psychological turmoil."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I'm thinking you'll just have to be my slave for a few days. You know, turn pages for me, spoon feed me, stuff like that."

Jack looked down at the ground with a frown. "You mean like when Charlie broke his arm?"

Daniel cursed loudly at bringing back painful memories like that and was on the verge of apologizing profusely and offering his first-born child and handing over all his earthly possessions when he noticed Jack's grin. "Why, you son of a…" He slapped the back of Jack's head with his good hand. "Do you know how much I could have freaked out over that? For crying out loud, Jack, you can't play with us like that, you ever hear of the boy who cried wolf?"

"Oh, come on, Daniel, you're going for that cliché? You can do better than that." Jack exclaimed with a choked laugh.

"Well, yeah, I could, but not in any terms you'd understand."

"I just want to thank you for all your support, Daniel. You really make a guy feel good about himself. You'll never know just how much I appreciate you being here for me, insulting me, letting me hurt myself by hurting you. You've been a good friend." Jack didn't bother to hide the affection in his sarcasm.

Daniel settled comfortably back on the ground, his good arm behind his head, and irreverently replied, "I know."

Jack chuckled to himself and laid back on the grass beside Daniel, glancing over at Teal'c. "You want to get in on the fun, T? Go ahead, apparently it's 'Insult the Colonel Day' here at Cheyenne Mountain."

"I have no desire to insult you, O'Neill."

"Well thank you, Teal'c. Danny, you could learn a thing or two about manners from our Jaffa friend."

Teal'c straightened up, his hands clasped behind his back. "However, as long as we are on the subject, I wish to discuss this boy who cried wolf. Is Daniel Jackson the wolf in this particular cliché?"

"Uh, no. I don't…uh, Daniel?"

"Yes?" Daniel replied innocently.

"You wanna…Oh for crying out loud. You're both playing me, aren't you? I'll have you know I'm mentally unstable. I could blow at any minute here."

Never were more prophetic words spoken.

But Daniel smiled, knowing that if Jack could joke about it that he was going to be just fine, and equally happy to develop their familiar banter of their friendship. He heard someone approaching and lifted his head lazily to see that it was Sam. "Hey Sam."

"Hey guys. What are you up to?"

Jack put on his best sulking face. "Oh, the usual. Making me look like an idiot, what else?" As she got closer he reached up to take her hand.

She looked curiously at Daniel and Teal'c before accepting his hand, and was totally taken by surprise when he pulled her down to sit beside him, his arm wrapping around her waist and his face pressing against her neck.

She was too stunned to react.

"Hey Sara." He said as he kissed her shoulder and leaned against her side, stroking her arm. "Where have you been, we've been waiting for you."

Sam looked to Daniel and Teal'c, her eyes wide and panicked. Daniel was just as shocked as she was, his jaw slack and eyebrows shooting off his forehead. Even Teal'c lost his calm composure.

"I was…I don't…" Sam stuttered incoherently, unsure what to do. Her eyes were almost pleading with Daniel and Teal'c to do something.

Jack laughed and removed his arm from her shoulder. "What happened to you? Haven't seen you this speechless since I asked you to marry me. You remember that, Daniel? She was so adorable with that cute little grease stain on her nose, I just knew she was the one." Before she could stop him he kissed her lightly on the nose and pulled her back into his arms again, rocking her gently. "You were so hot in those overalls. Damn sexy woman." He grinned.

"Jack!" Daniel finally shouted and jumped to his feet, ready to do what had to be done but uncertain what exactly it was he needed to do. "Um, Jack, I think we should get you back to the infirmary."

"Why? I've been a good boy. Even let you insult me, didn't I, Teal'c? You should hear all the nasty things they said about me," he said softly into Carter's ear. "If you only knew the truth you'd never let them take me anywhere. They're a very bad influence." He looked over at Daniel and Teal'c and smiled.

Nobody moved. Jack looked so at ease holding Carter in his arms, like he'd been doing it for years and was comfortable enough to be like that around his friends. It was affectionate yet it seemed like an everyday matter-of-fact embrace. Like that of a husband and wife at a friendly get-together.

This didn't make any sense. He'd recognized Daniel and Teal'c, yet he thought Carter was his wife, Sara. He thought Daniel had been there when he proposed to his wife, but Daniel hadn't even known him when he'd been with Sara.

What the heck was going on? Jack had been fine just minutes ago, almost like the old days. He had been talking easily about what he had witnessed in Ba'al's prison and how he knew he had mistaken Shalen for others. He had accepted that shooting Daniel was a necessity to save his friend's life. Daniel had thought these kinds of revelations would be breakthroughs in Jack's recovery, not lead to…whatever this was.

How could Jack remember Daniel and Teal'c but not Carter? Was it because he had feelings for Sam and this was the only way he could ever get close to her? Jack would never do that, would never put Carter in this position, and Daniel suspected that his protectiveness over her was so ingrained that even his subconscious would never put the moves on her. There was that one mission where they'd been given false memories, but even as Jonah and Thera they were never more than close friends.

"What?"

Daniel's quick contemplation was interrupted by Jack's baffled inquiry. Obviously, Jack could see that his friends were confused by his behavior, but he didn't understand what he'd done wrong. Daniel immediately assumed his self-hug position, looking down through his glasses and allowing his anxiety to show. "Jack, I think you're a bit confused."

"About what?" He let go of Carter and leaned forward slightly to pull the grass at his feet, trying to appear calm and relaxed when he was obviously just the opposite. Carter took the opportunity to move away, standing up and joining Daniel and Teal'c. She quickly realized that this might be a little more imposing than they intended, and moved back to Jack's side so that it wouldn't seem like they were ganging up on him.

When Daniel didn't say anything else Jack finally looked up at him, demanding an explanation. Daniel's eyes flickered suggestively to Carter. Jack looked over at her, then back at Daniel.

"Yes?" Jack drawled it out, obviously none the wiser from Daniel's hint.

Carter knelt down beside Jack but kept a few feet of distance between them. "Sir."

He looked over at her, his eyebrows raised. "Sir? Sara, what's going on?"

"My name isn't Sara, Colonel. It's Carter. Major Samantha Carter. I'm a member of your team, SG-1, remember?"

His eyes narrowed. "Uh, yeah, SG-1, me, Carter, Daniel and Teal'c. But Carter's…I mean she's…What?" He shook his head as though dazed.

"It's okay, sir. You've been through a lot, I understand. And your ex-wife and I do look alike so…"

"What?" He jumped to his feet. "Ex-wife?"

Carter backed away slightly. Daniel moved in, grabbing Jack's wrist lightly. "Jack, calm down. Come on, let's get you to the infirmary and we'll work this all out. You've just had a little lapse in memory, I'm sure it will all come back to you soon."

Jack shoved his hand away. "Stop it. Just…Let me get this straight. I am Jack O'Neill, right?"

Daniel almost snorted, but this was still a serious matter. "Yes. You're Colonel Jack O'Neill."

"Okay. And I just wasted two years of my life dying and being brought back to life, right? And we stopped Anubis from destroying Earth, and the Replicators from destroying the Asgard. And I just shot you to save you from Anubis taking your body to another planet where you probably would have died a horrible death with lesions and an unpleasant ick factor, yes?"

Daniel stared at him, but nodded his head. "Yes."

"And you're telling me that this isn't my wife?" He pointed at Carter. "Because I got to tell you…" He frowned suddenly as his voice trailed off. "This isn't my wife." He looked into Carter's eyes. "Aw crap, you aren't Sara. I'm so sorry, Carter, I don't know…" He cursed and turned away, his hand coming up to run through his hair, the other joining it behind his head as he squeezed his eyes shut. "Oh God," he groaned and turned his face up to the sky. "What the Hell do you want from me, huh? You took my soul, do you have to take my mind, too?"

He shoved his hands in his pockets and scowled down angrily at the ground. Daniel and Carter both seemed unwilling to approach him yet, so Teal'c rested his hand on Jack's shoulder. "O'Neill."

Jack shrugged off the comforting hand but didn't move away. "I don't know what I was thinking. I mean, Daniel wasn't even there when I proposed to Sara. What the heck is wrong with me?"

"You are not at fault, O'Neill. Our minds often deceive us, especially when one has suffered as you have. You did nothing wrong, and you have accepted what is real. Do not overly concern yourself with this matter, you must move on."

The side of Jack's mouth quirked up into a half-smile. "It isn't exactly that simple, Teal'c. I practically assaulted my teammate, my friend. And let's not forget that I essentially rewrote my entire history just so that I could still be with my wife."

"Sir, if it helps, I'm not offended, or anything." Carter said quickly. "I understand. She helped you when you got back from Iraq, it's natural to have her on your mind now that you're dealing with a similar situation. But we're all here for you, now. I just want you to know that, sir." She smiled reassuringly at him, shoving aside her own discomfort in order to give him the support he needed.

He huffed and smiled wryly. "I guess I knew that, since I mistook you for Sara. And I really am sorry about that, Carter."

"It's okay, sir."

"No, it really isn't. You're not her, and I wouldn't want you to be. You deserve better than that, and I promise it won't happen again. I hope." He looked away. "Crap. And I thought I was doing so much better. That'll teach me for being the optimist."

"You are doing better." Daniel said. "You just can't let things like this discourage you. Don't give up, Jack, you really are handling this better than anyone would have expected. I hate to get all introspective and shrink-like on you, but the important thing is how you feel about it all. You were laughing, Jack, and you were teasing and joking and it was like old times. Did it feel that way to you, or was it all an act?"

Jack thought about it for a few seconds then looked up into Daniel's eyes. "It wasn't an act. It felt good, joking around with you guys. Even now…" he looked over at Carter, "…it feels right. With the three of you." He looked down again with a grimace. "And I feel extremely exposed at the moment, so I'd appreciate it if you all pretended like this never happened, I have been very composed and in control of my emotions, and therefore I have no need to be embarrassed for sharing my feelings." He stood up straight, looking just past them to avoid eye contact. "So how about a game of gin? Carter, I believe you still owe me a Jell-o cup."

They could hear the silent plea in his voice for normalcy, and so they played along. Daniel swallowed and replied, "Sure, Jack, sounds like a great idea. But I'm pretty sure Sam already gave you the jell-o she owed you."

"Indeed, O'Neill, you were quite displeased that you had failed to specify your request for the red jell-o when she supplied you with the blue. However, I believe you were quite satisfied with the flavor and were amused by Doctor Fraiser's reaction when you informed her that you were feeling under the weather and showed her your tongue. Dr. Fraiser, however, did not share your amusement once she discovered the source of your apparent ailment."

Jack grinned at the memory. "Ah yes. But it was so worth a needle in the butt to see her reaction."

"I can't believe you did that, sir." Carter tried unsuccessfully to stifle her smile.

"You can't?" Daniel asked incredulously. "This is Jack we're talking about."

Teal'c bowed his head with a smile of his own and added fondly, "Indeed. It is O'Neill."

TBC

* * *

Author's Note: Bet you didn't see that coming. I have no idea how to end this. Just thought I'd let you know. Please help me. -Bixata 


	16. Chapter 16

Author's Note: This will be the last chapter, I hope you all enjoyed the story, I certainly have enjoyed writing it, but I've been a little short of inspiration lately and I'd like to focus on other things without drawing this out for too long. There were a few requests for more Jack/Sam but this story was about friendship and I feel loyal to all those non-ship fans. However, I think I came up with a solution to satisfy all. A giant thanks for all the wonderful reviews, you've truly made it worth the time to write this. (If you'd like to review anonymously you can now, so please do).

Bixata

Chapter 16

Jack was sitting on an infirmary bed, buttoning up his jacket, after Janet had given him the results of his latest brain scan. Yup, he was still nuts, but it was nothing she could prove, so essentially, he was fine. Fine and dandy, yessiree.

"Sir, I think we need to talk." Carter said suddenly from the next bed where she was waiting for him, her hands clasped in her lap.

Jack frowned at the words, disagreeing with her immediately. "No, I don't think we do, Carter."

"Was I even there?" She asked, and he could see a vulnerability in her eyes that he had never expected to ever see there.

"Where?" he asked carefully, not wanting to misunderstand exactly what she was asking.

"You were…you were happy. Up there on the surface, with Daniel and Teal'c and…when you thought I was Sara. Was I there with you?"

He didn't know how she could ask him that, how she could ever think that she wasn't important to him. But things had changed over the past two years in his absence and he knew that some part of her could never forgive herself for giving up on him. Just as he had never truly forgiven himself for Charlie's death. Perhaps her guilt would not allow her to see that it wasn't really Sara that had made him happy.

This wasn't the time for confessions, or sharing his feelings. Things were still a mess, in his head and his daily life. He was stuck in between the two phases of life, surviving and living, a huge step up from living and dying and he had to come to terms with who he was now. Like it or not, he had changed, big time, and though his instincts still fought to help others, there was a part of him that said to hell with it all. Let them worry about their own problems, who cares what happens, we're all going to die in the end. Eventually.

Being a perpetual cynic had its drawbacks and feeling so helpless in a world that could never know or understand what he had been through was no cakewalk. He loved his teammates, Hammond and Janet for all they had done for him. They tried so hard to make him feel normal, to act like the old days and yet allowing for the fact that they had all changed, accepting the new Jack and altering the nature of their friendship to encompass his new behavior. The foundation was there, reinforced and strong, but there were changes on the surface, a remodeling so to speak of their friendship to allow for his different personality.

But Carter was having a difficult time with it because of the very nature of their friendship and the potential they had once had for something more. She was trying to find her place but he kept changing the rules. Like thinking she was his wife.

It may have been Sara's name, and he may have behaved as though she truly was his wife, but it wasn't Sara he'd seen; it was Carter. And it wasn't Sara he imagined his life with, the mother of his child who was still alive, laughing and playing baseball. It was Carter.

God, he was a mess. He had actually believed it, almost needed to believe it: he was married to Carter, Charlie was alive, he had his two best friends and Earth was safe. That was his ideal life, one he could never have because Charlie was gone. And Carter…

He didn't deserve her like that. He needed her, and her friendship, like he needed Daniel's and Teal'c's but she had decided years ago that he wasn't worth the risk of anything more than that and he had accepted her decision. Nothing had changed in that respect. Pretending otherwise was a lie, a falsehood that would lend to the fantasy world he had created for his escape. If he were suddenly given a piece of his fantasy in real life he might never be able to differentiate the two again.

But how could he tell this to Carter?

"You were there." He admitted softly.

"So where was I? What do you need from me, Jack?" Her voice and her eyes pleaded with him, asking him to tell her what to do just as strongly as the use of his given name had. She needed him to take the lead this time, she didn't want to hurt him again.

He smiled at her, showing her all the love and affection he had for her. "We're friends, Carter. The best of friends. Who else would have put up with a guy like me for so long?" He stood up and walked over to her, pulled her off the bed and embraced her, rocking her gently. "Maybe, someday…" he left the thought unfinished but he pulled back to look at her, his hand gentle on her neck, and he saw the acceptance and hopeful smile of her face. "We'll go fishing," he promised.

She laughed and rested her head on his shoulder, holding him tightly around the waist. "I'd love to. We'll go up to your cabin in Minnesota, land of sky-blue waters?"

"Don't forget the loons." He interjected.

She continued. "Yeahsureyabetcha. Just as soon as Janet clears you we'll head up there, all of SG-1. And we'll even pretend to enjoy fishing."

"You won't have to pretend anything." He scowled, pushing her away to glare at her, fighting the smile on his lips. "You guys are going to love it and you'll hate yourselves for never realizing what an amazing experience it is sooner."

"Uh-huh." She mock agreed.

"Watch it, Carter." They started walking down the corridors, heading in mutual and silent agreement to Daniel's office. "I've got the wisdom of age and death on my side. You'll learn to appreciate my insight to life and living it."

He marveled at his own ability to talk about his experiences so openly. It wasn't particularly joke-worthy material, and certainly no laughing matter, but it was the truth. In the past he had often made jokes when they were inappropriate, and his sarcasm frequently had a self-deprecating edge to it. And Daniel had come back from the dead often enough to build up a repertoire of material regarding the same subject. But in that moment he realized something about himself, something he had realized earlier on a basic, instinctive level, but could never truly bring himself to believe emotionally and intellectually.

He could enjoy living again. He liked living, and he didn't want to die.

Carter had given him a calculating look after he spoke, and in that moment when she could have been uncomfortable and awkward she smiled instead, sensing something in him that suddenly made her feel safe. "I'm sure I will, sir. Between you and Daniel I've got the two greatest teachers alive. But maybe you should both take a lesson from Teal'c and me about staying alive. After all, we've only got the one life to live."

Laughter erupted from his throat and he didn't try to hold it in. He threw his arm around her shoulder as he laughed, his shoulders shaking with the unfamiliar feeling, his eyes starting to water at the overwhelming emotion. "Carter, you are absolutely amazing, you know that?" he told her once he had calmed down enough. "A national treasure, Carter, that's what you are. How'd I get so lucky to have you for a friend?"

She didn't bother to respond to the rhetorical question, but she smiled up at him, beaming with pride and affection.

They rounded the corner into Daniel's office and saw him and Teal'c staring down at a bunch of papers on the desk. Daniel was practically bouncing with excitement.

"Hey Danny, what's up?" he asked as he released Carter and they moved to look down at the papers.

Daniel looked up at him, his eyes bright with excitement and wonder. "Jack! I found it!"

"Found what?" Carter asked.

"The Lost City of Atlantis. We can go there!" he exclaimed happily, informing them about the set of eight symbols he had discovered that should send them to a Stargate in another galaxy, hopefully to the Ancient city of Atlantis. Once he had finished his passionate speech and looked at them expectantly he saw Jack's expression and his eyes widened in amazement. "Jack? Are you…are you smiling?"

"Daniel, I haven't got a clue what you just said about anything, but you always look like such a kid when you get so excited about 'the greatest discovery since we opened the Stargate' type stuff. It's like your birthday, Christmas and summer vacation all in one. So in this moment of happiness I'm going to exploit your weakness and inform you that we're all going fishing at my cabin once Janet gives me my wings, and you can complain all you want, but I'm just going to remind you about this very moment and there's no way you'll be able to turn me down."

"Uh, and why is that?" Daniel asked warily.

Jack gave him his most charming Irish grin. "Because when you guys tell me that there's nowhere you'd rather be than with me at the cabin, you're going to see that same expression of blissful happiness on my face."

Daniel stared at him for a moment, then slowly the smile returned to his face. "There's nowhere I'd rather be, Jack." He moved around his desk towards Jack and pulled his friend into hug, the same hug Jack had given him over six years ago after they'd destroyed Apophis' ships over Earth and realized they had all made it home, that Daniel had survived a fatal staff blast and the explosion of the ship after they'd left him behind.

"Welcome back, Jack," he said, choking on the emotion in his throat, fighting back tears of happiness and relief. "Welcome back."

Sam moved in and put her arms around the both of them, wiping her tears on the back of Daniel's jacket, and after only the briefest of hesitations, Teal'c engulfed them all in his massive embrace. Maybe it wasn't a sight you'd normally see on a top secret military base, but SG-1 was family, and they were finally together again, in every way.

The end


End file.
